Saturday, December 31, 2011

Top 11 in 11

Our year was filled with so much love, happiness, and memories! Here are my top 11 memories of 2011!

11.  My dad fulfilled one of his dreams, going oryx hunting and actually getting one! Seeing him and my brother so excited was amazing!

10. My mom and I got to spend a lot of time together shopping, eating, and just laughing. She helped me so much with Tanner and he loved spending so much time with her!

9.  Tanner and I joined a mommy group over the summer and both made some really great friends! These ladies have been such a godsend and it has been so nice getting out of the house!

8.  Over the summer me and my mommy group friends started running to shed the left over baby weight! We decided to train for a 5k run and in September Brittany and I completed our first competitive run post babies! Times weren't the greatest, but it felt so good!

7. I went back to work for a while teaching 1st grade. At first I hated being away from Tan full time (only for 6 wks), but it showed me that I do miss teaching and that I think I am ready to find a part time job in 2012!

6.  Our family was blessed with a brand new, beautiful baby girl named Gemma Vonn! I am a proud auntie, Morgan a proud uncle, and Tanner loves his baby "Emma".  

5.  My cousin Renee and her Morgan (haha how did we both manage to find guys named Morgan) moved back to NM from Cali and got their own beautiful house! It is so nice having everyone back home!

4. Morgan and I celebrated our 2nd Anniversary in October with an amazing dinner!  He is the best hubby anyone could ask for!

3. We celebrated Tanner's first birthday party in July! He had a blast and LOVED his cake!

2. Tanner started walking and talking and has not stopped or shut up since! I've loved every age, but this is by far my favorite! He's a cool kid!

1. The best part of 2011 was being able to spend every day with these two!  I love my family so much and am so blessed to have them! They are by far the best things that have ever happened to me!

This year will be hard to beat, but I am looking forward to 2012!  Happy New Year everyone! Hope the new year brings you happiness and joy!

Thursday, December 29, 2011

A December to Remember

December is always a time of family, stress (which sometimes go hand in hand), food, LOTS of food, and the most important the celebration of our Lord.  This December started out very stressful for me. I stressed about how we were going to afford presents on one income, stressed with the fact that my car was minding its own business in my driveway and was hit by the neighbors runaway jeep and the fact that the neighbor is pretty much a douche bag, enough said there. Then there was the camera incident of 2011. Even with all the stress I was shown the true meaning of Christmas. This year was Morgan's year to see his family. We switch off each year and his family lives in Northern NM. It was hard being away from mine, but we had an awesome time in good old Espanola!  We started our Christmas Eve off at the outlets in Santa Fe where my hubby surprised me with a trip to the Coach store. He told me he wanted me to have something nice and let me pick out whatever I wanted! The sales were so good that we left with not one, but two beautiful purses for less than we would have paid for one at Dillards! SCORE! Then we headed to  his Dad and Stepmom's house. We ate, watched Tan open tons of presents, and had the best eggnog ever! One glass had me pretty tipsy!  Then we went to Morgan's Aunt's house and spent the rest of the evening with cousins, aunts, uncles, and his grandma! Tanner thought he was a big boy and wanted to keep up with all the big kids!

Christmas day brought lots of Santa presents for Tanner. He was obviously a good boy! His favorite by far was his Green Bay Packers chair and the wrapping paper roll!  We enjoyed, or tried  to enjoy mass, but church with a one year old is hard. Tanner loves clocks, but can't quite say the word, so all through mass we screamed "cock"! I was about 10 shades of red, but all you can really do is laugh. Finally, it was my families turn. We had lunch with my familia at my aunts house. This year the adults decided to do a white elephant gift thingy and let me tell you I have not laughed that hard in so long! I think this may be a new traditions! I also got my baby fix, or should maybe caught the fever, because I met my brand new baby cousin Jaxon. He is a doll!  We ended the night at my inlaws where we had a feast of tamales, beans and cookies.  We enjoyed the football game and I got to see my Bears lose, again!

All in all our holidays were amazing. Seeing Christmas through Tanner's eyes was the most amazing thing. He was so excited and next year will be even better! Sometimes having such big families is hard, especially trying to fit everything in, but then again it is amazing to have so much love and support around us! The gifts were great, but honestly just being around those that I love was the best gift of all and the memories made will never be forgotten!

Here are a few pictures from the big day!

This makes a nice seat!

Are these all for me?

sitting in his "crackers" chair!

fun with grandpa Doug!

Christmas is tiring, but auntie Diana is pretty comfy and doesn't even mind my hand down her shirt! Told everyone I was a boob man!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

One of Those Weeks

This has been a rough week for this tired mama.  The Christmas hustle and bustle is a little too much to handle. I have so much to do and am running out of time and patience. Tanner is first off amazing, but this amazing kid seems to be into everything lately! He likes to climb and play with things that could possible kill him. The huge toybox is lame ya know!  He is also cutting two molars and is a snot and droll machine (most of that ends up on his dear old mama).  Along with teething comes Mr. Clingy who needs to be attached to me at ALL times.  If I have to pee, the wee ones world crashes around him. Showering? What's that?  My hair is a grease ball and I'm pretty sure my husband would rather sleep on the couch than have to catch a whiff of my ever so pleasant, actually BO ridden self. Okay, I'm exaggerating, I don't smell that bad, Febreze is a god send!

This morning was the kicker though. Last night I baked beautiful cookies (more on that next blog) and decided to document the process with the awesome camera I got 2 Christmas's ago. Well stupid me left camera on counter, where I thought the mini me couldn't reach it. Boy was I wrong. As I'm getting his yogurt out of the fridge I hear a bam! And low and behold my prized possession is on the floor. I'm horrified to admit this, but I yelled. He cried. Then I cried for yelling at my baby.  My lens was crushed and dented and my heart was broken. Mom of the year right? I picked up both of my babies and just cried, called hubby and admitted I'm overwhelmed and then decided to just cuddle my love and hope that he forgave me (which he did and I'm not even sure he remembers the incident).  Soon after he went down for a nap and I sat and stared at him and cried some more.  I realized that yeah it sucks that my camera may be broken, but who cares it can be replaced, my kid cannot. Then I start thinking about all of those you wish to be parents and cannot for various reasons and I felt like a total ungrateful biotch for making a big deal out of something so small and taking my son for granted (if you haven't noticed I tend to over analyze EVERYTHING).  Hard days are a part of parenthood and I need to learn to embrace them.   A good friend of mine told me to "just keep smiling, because these are the moments we will look back on and smile the most about".   So with that said, I'm gonna keep on smiling and enjoying every moment (even the my claim to fame is breaking stuff, teething and boogers) with the greatest son anyone could ask for!

Love you, Tan Man!!
How can you stay mad at this face?

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Hives

Well my poor baby boy had some type of weird allergic reaction to, well we aren't exactly sure. It started Monday night with a few bumps on his arm. I wasn't alarmed and thought maybe his shirt was rubbing weird. The next day he had them on his butt and legs, but they faded fast. Well, Tuesday after his afternoon bottle the poor boys face was covered in mosquito like bumps from under his eyes to his neck! I freaked, ran for the benadryl and called the nurse hot-line. After my hubby calmed me (basically calling me crazy) I gave him a bath and he seemed fine. Well then this morning came along and his poor booty was covered again and his face looked swollen. I decided to bite the dust and pay the $40 copay and make a visit to good old Dr. Walsh. She seems to think that changing brands of milk or eating goldfish crackers (wheat?) could be the culprit. So now we are going to go back to our old stand by Creamland milk and will be using my new best friend Benadryl for the next few days. I should have taken some pics, but I'm sure little man would hate me for it when he's a moody teenager!  Hoping I have a welty free kid tomorrow!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Out Of My Comfort Zone

A few weeks ago my friend Sarah and I were talking during one of are "breaks" (those of you who are teachers know that there are no real breaks through out the day, just some moments of peace and quiet to cram as much as possible in, but I digress)  at work about how we needed to step out of our comfort zone a little fashion wise.  We decided that on "jean day" we would wear our new boots tucked into our pants (a look that I was convinced I couldn't pull off). Well we kept our word and (well she did and as we made our way to my classroom she made me tuck my jeans in) tried out a new style. It was different, but after a few compliments I felt more at ease. We decided that a shopping trip to find new styles was in order so we got the help of our very fashionable friend Brittany to help us out.  So today was the day of our big shopping extravaganza! We hit up the mall, babies in tow and went crazy!!! First stop Old Navy. I am proud to say I purchased my first pair of skinny jeans and my butt actually looks good, like I have a butt (maybe my ass kicking by Jillian Michaels every morning is paying off)! Sarah found a really cute shirt and Brittany (who looks amazing in everything) found a lot of cute things! Next stop Forever 21 and holy cow, jeans for 9 bucks! I found two really cute wrap thingy's and a really nice sweater at Dillards. All in all our trip was a success! I have a new outfit for Thanksgiving and a greater appreciation for trying new things.  It helped to have friends give the yay or nay  and know that we are all struggling with body image issues, especially after having the kiddos! Now I am thinking we need another shopping day sans babies and lots of margaritas!
This cutest shopping buddies around (the one on the left is responsible for the not so toned mommy tummy and lack of booty, but he sure is cute and worth every stretch mark and scar! Love that kid!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Happy 2nd Anniversary!

Two years ago today was one of the best days of my life! Although our outside wedding had to be moved indoors because of extreme cold, it couldn't have been more perfect!  We had such a wonderful time with family and friends and each of us got to spend a perfect moment with the grandparents we soon lost.  All in all it was a day filled with fun, laughter, happy tears, food, great music, family and friends! I still can't believe that it was two years ago.  We have had so many changes in those two years, but the best changes anyone can ask for! I love my life and my family and am truly happy and blessed! I need to remember to thank God everyday for this life!

Some pics from the big day!



Here's to many more years of happiness, love, and hopefully more adorable babies! I love you Morgan and thank you for making me so happy and being an amazing husband and father. You work so hard for our family and I know I don't thank you enough for all of your sacrifices that you make so I can be the kind of mother that I want to be. I love and appreciate you everyday of my life!

Saturday, October 29, 2011

15 Months and This Time Last Year!

I can hardly believe it when I say it! Tanner is 15 months (was on the 27th)! He is growing so fast, but this is honestly the best age! He is becoming more independent and picking up new words everyday (kinda scary considering mine and his daddy's foul mouths).  He has given our family so much joy over the past year and he has touched so many lives.  I am so in love with my little flirt and am in awe of the kid everyday!
My big boy!


Here are some new things Little Man is up to:

*Starting to walk, but still has the drunk homeless man look
*LOVES food, his new fav is broccoli (twees), he loves spaghetti, yogurt, any kind of meat, fruit, cheese, but loathes potatoes!
*Loves animals and can make the sound for cows, bears, dogs, and ducks
*His favorite place Sam's Club. He loves getting samples and there is so much to look at.
*He is still in 12 month clothes. He is swimming in 18 months.
*He can find his nose, ears, head, pansa (tummy), and foot (we were working on eyes until he tried to blind me, gonna wait a while longer for that one)
*Tanner now knows 15 words and we are working on teaching him both English and Spanish words. He is doing really well and knows agua/water, pansa/tummy, and frio/cold
*Tan is a huge flirt and blows kisses NON STOP to any woman we see when we are out and about, and loves giving high fives to dudes. No stranger danger in this kid!
*He is DEATHLY afraid of balloons! One comes near him and he screams and shakes! We're trying to break it, but he may be a weirdo on one of those "face your fear" talk shows one day

There have been so many changes in the last year.  Last year at this time he was so tiny. I am so excited to see him experience the holiday season this year. I feel like a kid again!  Here are some pics over the last year so you can see how much this dude has changed! Enjoy!
                                                                         
My tiny little pumpkin last year!
This year!
mini scarecrow
cowboy silly face
Christmas gift?


Daddy and Tan with the "twacto"







2010 Family Pic!



2011 Family Pic!




Saturday, October 15, 2011

The Scare

And a scare it was! A few weeks ago I went in for my annual poking and prodding of my lady parts (I need to mention that I still have PTSD from birth so this was NOT fun) and about a week later I got a call from my doctor saying that the results came back abnormal. She said it could be one of many things, but all I heard was cancer. She informed me that I would need to come back in and have a biopsy done of my cervix (the cervix that is not long enough to begin with and caused me to have a very high risk pregnancy).  I pretty much freaked out and convinced myself that I had cancer and was terminal or I would never be able to have another baby. I didn't sleep for two days and just stared at my son sleeping wondering how long I would have with him and then on the other hand feeling very sad at the idea that I may never be able to feel a life growing inside of me again.

 So, the following Monday I went in for the biopsy with my husband at my side. He is amazing and has gone through so much with me that he probably doesn't or never wanted to see (sorry that you got the girl with the messed up lady parts). He held my hand through the AWFUL procedure and wiped my tears as I asked the doc if I was dying. Luckily, she said no, but the results would take two weeks to come back. For two weeks I was in a state of panic and it was really bad if I was woken up in the middle of the night. My mind would run crazy and the anxiety would build until I had to get up and watch some meaningless reality tv just to get my mind off possibly dying.  God must have heard my prayers because on Wednesday when I spoke to the doctor she said everything was FINE, no cancer, just a false reading. I will have to be checked every six months now (yay, NOT), but I have a clean bill of health! Oh and the best part, I can still HAVE BABIES!!! I need to wait at least six months before we start trying, mainly so I can get checked again, but then we are free to make a sibling (hopefully a sister) for Tanner! I am so thankful to my wonderful doctor! She is amazing and has taken such good care of me (craziness and all)!

I am also writing this blog to inform women about how important it is to get your annual exam. I go every year. Last year all was well and then this happened. I am so thankful that it was not cancer, but am also so happy that if it had been it would have been caught extremely early and able to be fixed. God works in mysterious ways, he has a way of making you look at life and really seeing what is important. Because of this, I am a better mom, wife, daughter and friend. No one knows what the future holds so living each day to the fullest is my new outlook on life! I pray for continued health and the ability to have and carry another child/children in my belly!
My two most important reasons for living! Love these boys so much!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Just An Ordinary Friday Night

So tonight was pure comedy in the Dean household!  Tanner had mac n' cheese, well actually the floor got most of it which the doggies loved! After dinner we decided to catch up on our favortie show Modern Family and spend some good old time in front of the television.  As I was nagging politely asking my husband to stop leaving his beer cans on the floor because I am sick of stains that can't be blamed on the dogs or Tanner, my sweet little, daddy's wingman ever so cleverly picks up daddy's almost full beer and launches it at me! And you know what was even nicer of him, he waited until after I had already showered, sweet kid, NOT! As daddy is in hysterics, I notice that Tanner reeks of poo (his third one of the day by the way) so undress him as daddy is filling the tub. As we are walking to the bathroom I feel a very warm sensation running down my stomach, much warmer than the huge beer spill I have on my leg! Yup, Tanner decided to add insult to injury and pee on his already beer smelling mommy! Daddy thought that was so hysterical that he almost fell in the tub (had I been closer I would've kicked his butt in there)!  So that's the start to our weekend, hope everyone's is as laughter filled and "fun" as ours!
our new lovely stain thanks to good old Coors Light

Thanks Tanner, I was a little cold anyway!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Too Soon To Tell? Um No!!!!

Well as mentioned in my last entry, I recently (like last week) began working full time. I am subbing for a friend at the school where I used to teach.  This was my opportunity to do a dry run and see if I am ready to go back to teaching full time next year. Well after 5 days of tears, heartache, and missing my baby boy so much that I'm pretty sure I have an ulcer, I have made my decision. While I love teaching, I HATE leaving my son! Little things throughout the day remind me of him and I am constantly on the verge of tears. Poor Coach  just asked how my day was going and crazy lady here began balling and telling him a long drawn out explanation of why I was so sad. I could literally see in his eyes that he thought I was totally nuts! That said, I will not be returning to teach next year or in the foreseeable future. I am going to finish these last 5 weeks and do my best and enjoy every minute that I am teaching my kiddos (did I mention they are a great class and all REALLY cute) and then am going to return to my days of snuggling, running, and mommy grouping, with the cutest boy in the world.  I'm not going to lie, the next several weeks are going to be tough, but with light at the end of the tunnel and really caring for my student's and their well being, I will get through it!

Not returning to work will be hard on our family financially, but I know God will provide. We may not have the newest gadgets or vehicles, may not get to vacation or eat out as much as we'd like, but honestly I would eat canned beans for the rest of my life and drive my car until it won't move another inch just to be with my son. Sacrifices are tough, but the reward of raising my child and spending those sweet moments that seem to pass so quickly is totally worth a few years of sacrifice. Being home for the last 14 months has meant the world to me and returning to work has actually made me appreciate and long for those moments even more.  I am just so blessed to have such a great support system in family, friends, and especially my husband.  He knows how important it is to me to be with Tanner and he works so hard so that I can be with him.  He sees the emotional toll being away from Tanner has had on me (and on the little man) and supports my decision to stay home. He is a wonderful man and I am so lucky to have such a hardworking man who provides so much for his family!

I don't know what the future holds and I may return to teaching someday.  In a perfect world I would find a job share situation so that I could have the best of both worlds.  I am actually going to start looking for a part time anything (if you know of any please send my way :) )  just so I can help out a little financially, but be home the majority of the time. I give working mamas all of my credit and accolades, y'all are amazing and I wish it was in the cards for me too, but for now Tanner and future babies (hopefully in the not too distant future) are it for me!

My reason for living! 

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Balloon Fiesta 2011


Growing up I never really appreciated living in the good old Land of Enchantment. I used to think it was boring and there was never anything to do. Every year our states hosts the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta. Seeing it year after year  and dealing with horrendous traffic made it less desirable as I grew up. That was until I had a child of my own. Seeing the world through his eyes is like seeing everything for the first time. After an emotional couple of days (sadly I went back to work and am not enjoying leaving my kiddo, more on that later) my hubby and I woke up bright (well actually it was still VERY dark out) and early and headed out to the Fiesta! Tanner was a little concerned that he was up at 4 am and mama wasn't offering the boob, but once he had some baby cheetos he was ready to party! We got to the fiesta just as Dawn Patrol was getting ready for liftoff. My hubby was helping out on a crew so Tanner and I sat back and watched the magic!

Soon the sun began to rise and so did the balloons. The first balloon to go up was the "World" Balloon which had flags from various countries from around the world. This was the balloon Morgan was helping out with. It was beautiful and so fitting since Tanner is a little obsessed with the American Flag.
Since we didn't have a chance to eat before we left, we decided to eat some grub and finish watching the balloons. We got breakfast burritos and the thing I have been craving and not allowing myself to have for weeks. . . a funnel cake! And boy was it good!
breakfast of champions!
Balloons were taking off all over the place and filled the sky with so much for a certain one year old to look at! He was on "babooon" aka balloon overload! Seeing how excited he was made me feel like a kid again and truly appreciate this event. Seeing the smile on my husband's face as he was holding Tanner was priceless and something I will never forget. Some people may never see it in person and I am lucky enough to have seen it every year of my life. Having a child really makes you appreciate each and every thing about everyday! Thank you Tanner for opening mama's eyes to the world again!
this is my favorite balloon and Tanner even "mooed" when he saw it!

Look Dad!


Happy Family!


True Happiness!

Love his face!

And this is what waking up at 4 am and the excitement of Balloon Fiesta does to a one year old!  
Today was an amazing day and one that I will never forget! I love my family so much and every moment with them means so much to me. That said, I think I have made my decision about what to do job wise next year. As most of you know I took a long term sub position at my old school to do a "test run" to see if I am ready to dive back into teaching. Well after two days (which some will say is not enough time to make a valid decision, but really I don't think I'll change my mind in the next 5 weeks) I know the answer, but will make you wait until my next blog to build suspense (well actually I'm just really tired, but suspense sounds better)!

Thanks Morgan, Tanner, and the neighborhood crew for a great day!

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Loss

So as I was going through my friend list on facebook today, I noticed that my supposed "best" friend who was like a sister to me deleted my butt! Not much of a surprise since we haven't talked in over a year. I shouldn't be hurt because I have also chosen not to have this person, whom I no longer know (literally, name change and all) in my life, but surprisingly it stung a little. This person was in my wedding and I was a huge part of her sons life. After many instances of friendship not being reciprocated I chose to "end it". No call for baby shower, no show at hospital when my son was born, no visit in the 12 days he was in the NICU, no nothing for a year, so why do I still care? I guess deep down I was hoping that things would change and that the old friend I had growing up would eventually come back. Guess not.Well one  thing I know is that my family and friends who matter have stuck by and will continue to stick by my side through thick and thin. I know I probably don't thank these people enough, but I would like them to know how special they are to me! On that note I also have to send a thank you shout out to some wonderful ladies. Last Thursday night Stephanie, Sarah, and Brittany made my upcoming birthday one to remember with a trip to the St. James Tea Room. We dined on yummy food and delicious desserts. They made me feel so special and having those three in my life is such a blessing!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Teething... Enough Said

The past 24 hours in the Dean household have been challenging! Tanner, like usual, is having a really hard time with the two new pearly whites waiting to make an appearance. Fussy days and sleepless nights are not fun. I always try to think about how lucky I am to have such a healthy, (usually) happy, adorable baby, but yesterday I found myself really frustrated and exhausted. To make matters worse Morgan was fishing with my dad and father in law as I was having my mommy meltdown. After four hours of trying to get Tanner down for the night and becoming a human pacifier, the boy was finally asleep. As I looked over at him laying next to me so peaceful, I again realized how lucky I am. Every mom has the right to have a bad day now and then, but seeing my baby cuddled up to me made the hours of screaming and being on my hip worth it. I felt so guilty for feeling frustrated with him and even shed a few tears. I love my boy more than life and am in awe of him every day. God gave me the most amazing gift, a little boy who is perfect in my eyes (teething and all).  Here's to a better day and hopefully a more restful night (this may require a famous "Doug" margarita at the in-laws tonight, don't judge me)!
Vampire baby no more, top front teeth finally came in! Now on to the others, Yay (NOT)!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Days Numbered

My days of being a stay at home mommy are numbered. First off let me say that being home with Tanner has been the most amazing time of my life! I thank my husband so much for working so hard and providing for our family so that I could fulfill my dream of being home with Tanner. I would not trade this past year with Tanner for anything. Thankfully, my transition into working mom will be temporary. I am going back to my wonderful school to take over for a friend as she becomes a mommy to baby number two! I will be  back full time for six weeks and I have varying emotions on it! On one hand I am so happy to be doing what I love (even though 1st graders scare the crap out of me), working with a great staff, knowing my baby will be in great hands, feeling like the "old me", and being able to help Morgan out with some of the finances. On the other hand I am feeling completely overwhelmed by the fact that I will be leaving my little boy. The 12 days that we were separated while he was in the NICU were the hardest days of my life and although I know this is totally different, I don't ever want to feel that sadness again. I think my separation anxiety is worse than my sons! I KNOW he will be okay, hell he's with Grammie and and Grandpa, but my heart breaks thinking of all the things I will miss out on! I know, I know six weeks will fly and once I settle into a routine, I know I will love being back!

So, I'm taking this opportunity as a test run to show myself that it is possible to cut the cord and regain a little bit of me! My biggest fear of diving back into teaching is getting pregnant again and feeling like I won't be able to give my next baby the same opportunity that Tanner has had, or having to leave my job again! Leaving was one of the hardest things I had ever done (probably easier than leaving Tanner though). I am by no means trying for a sibling for Tanner, but have a feeling it will happen if I were to go back full time (just my luck)! I guess I need to just put the future into God's hands and know that whatever happens, job, baby, etc. is all a part of his will and I will cross that bridge when I get there! For now I am looking forward to teaching again and also dreading leaving my boy, but know that this will be good for both of us and our family!
                                         Here's some momma and Tanner time daddy captured!
Jemez, New Mexico Aug. 2011

enjoying the nice cool air in the mountains!