The Scare

And a scare it was! A few weeks ago I went in for my annual poking and prodding of my lady parts (I need to mention that I still have PTSD from birth so this was NOT fun) and about a week later I got a call from my doctor saying that the results came back abnormal. She said it could be one of many things, but all I heard was cancer. She informed me that I would need to come back in and have a biopsy done of my cervix (the cervix that is not long enough to begin with and caused me to have a very high risk pregnancy).  I pretty much freaked out and convinced myself that I had cancer and was terminal or I would never be able to have another baby. I didn't sleep for two days and just stared at my son sleeping wondering how long I would have with him and then on the other hand feeling very sad at the idea that I may never be able to feel a life growing inside of me again.

 So, the following Monday I went in for the biopsy with my husband at my side. He is amazing and has gone through so much with me that he probably doesn't or never wanted to see (sorry that you got the girl with the messed up lady parts). He held my hand through the AWFUL procedure and wiped my tears as I asked the doc if I was dying. Luckily, she said no, but the results would take two weeks to come back. For two weeks I was in a state of panic and it was really bad if I was woken up in the middle of the night. My mind would run crazy and the anxiety would build until I had to get up and watch some meaningless reality tv just to get my mind off possibly dying.  God must have heard my prayers because on Wednesday when I spoke to the doctor she said everything was FINE, no cancer, just a false reading. I will have to be checked every six months now (yay, NOT), but I have a clean bill of health! Oh and the best part, I can still HAVE BABIES!!! I need to wait at least six months before we start trying, mainly so I can get checked again, but then we are free to make a sibling (hopefully a sister) for Tanner! I am so thankful to my wonderful doctor! She is amazing and has taken such good care of me (craziness and all)!

I am also writing this blog to inform women about how important it is to get your annual exam. I go every year. Last year all was well and then this happened. I am so thankful that it was not cancer, but am also so happy that if it had been it would have been caught extremely early and able to be fixed. God works in mysterious ways, he has a way of making you look at life and really seeing what is important. Because of this, I am a better mom, wife, daughter and friend. No one knows what the future holds so living each day to the fullest is my new outlook on life! I pray for continued health and the ability to have and carry another child/children in my belly!

My two most important reasons for living! Love these boys so much!