Too Soon To Tell? Um No!!!!

Well as mentioned in my last entry, I recently (like last week) began working full time. I am subbing for a friend at the school where I used to teach.  This was my opportunity to do a dry run and see if I am ready to go back to teaching full time next year. Well after 5 days of tears, heartache, and missing my baby boy so much that I'm pretty sure I have an ulcer, I have made my decision. While I love teaching, I HATE leaving my son! Little things throughout the day remind me of him and I am constantly on the verge of tears. Poor Coach  just asked how my day was going and crazy lady here began balling and telling him a long drawn out explanation of why I was so sad. I could literally see in his eyes that he thought I was totally nuts! That said, I will not be returning to teach next year or in the foreseeable future. I am going to finish these last 5 weeks and do my best and enjoy every minute that I am teaching my kiddos (did I mention they are a great class and all REALLY cute) and then am going to return to my days of snuggling, running, and mommy grouping, with the cutest boy in the world.  I'm not going to lie, the next several weeks are going to be tough, but with light at the end of the tunnel and really caring for my student's and their well being, I will get through it!

Not returning to work will be hard on our family financially, but I know God will provide. We may not have the newest gadgets or vehicles, may not get to vacation or eat out as much as we'd like, but honestly I would eat canned beans for the rest of my life and drive my car until it won't move another inch just to be with my son. Sacrifices are tough, but the reward of raising my child and spending those sweet moments that seem to pass so quickly is totally worth a few years of sacrifice. Being home for the last 14 months has meant the world to me and returning to work has actually made me appreciate and long for those moments even more.  I am just so blessed to have such a great support system in family, friends, and especially my husband.  He knows how important it is to me to be with Tanner and he works so hard so that I can be with him.  He sees the emotional toll being away from Tanner has had on me (and on the little man) and supports my decision to stay home. He is a wonderful man and I am so lucky to have such a hardworking man who provides so much for his family!

I don't know what the future holds and I may return to teaching someday.  In a perfect world I would find a job share situation so that I could have the best of both worlds.  I am actually going to start looking for a part time anything (if you know of any please send my way :) )  just so I can help out a little financially, but be home the majority of the time. I give working mamas all of my credit and accolades, y'all are amazing and I wish it was in the cards for me too, but for now Tanner and future babies (hopefully in the not too distant future) are it for me!

My reason for living!