Happy 2nd Anniversary!

Two years ago today was one of the best days of my life! Although our outside wedding had to be moved indoors because of extreme cold, it couldn't have been more perfect!  We had such a wonderful time with family and friends and each of us got to spend a perfect moment with the grandparents we soon lost.  All in all it was a day filled with fun, laughter, happy tears, food, great music, family and friends! I still can't believe that it was two years ago.  We have had so many changes in those two years, but the best changes anyone can ask for! I love my life and my family and am truly happy and blessed! I need to remember to thank God everyday for this life!

Some pics from the big day!

Here's to many more years of happiness, love, and hopefully more adorable babies! I love you Morgan and thank you for making me so happy and being an amazing husband and father. You work so hard for our family and I know I don't thank you enough for all of your sacrifices that you make so I can be the kind of mother that I want to be. I love and appreciate you everyday of my life!

15 Months and This Time Last Year!

I can hardly believe it when I say it! Tanner is 15 months (was on the 27th)! He is growing so fast, but this is honestly the best age! He is becoming more independent and picking up new words everyday (kinda scary considering mine and his daddy's foul mouths).  He has given our family so much joy over the past year and he has touched so many lives.  I am so in love with my little flirt and am in awe of the kid everyday!

My big boy!

Here are some new things Little Man is up to:

*Starting to walk, but still has the drunk homeless man look
*LOVES food, his new fav is broccoli (twees), he loves spaghetti, yogurt, any kind of meat, fruit, cheese, but loathes potatoes!
*Loves animals and can make the sound for cows, bears, dogs, and ducks
*His favorite place Sam's Club. He loves getting samples and there is so much to look at.
*He is still in 12 month clothes. He is swimming in 18 months.
*He can find his nose, ears, head, pansa (tummy), and foot (we were working on eyes until he tried to blind me, gonna wait a while longer for that one)
*Tanner now knows 15 words and we are working on teaching him both English and Spanish words. He is doing really well and knows agua/water, pansa/tummy, and frio/cold
*Tan is a huge flirt and blows kisses NON STOP to any woman we see when we are out and about, and loves giving high fives to dudes. No stranger danger in this kid!
*He is DEATHLY afraid of balloons! One comes near him and he screams and shakes! We're trying to break it, but he may be a weirdo on one of those "face your fear" talk shows one day

There have been so many changes in the last year.  Last year at this time he was so tiny. I am so excited to see him experience the holiday season this year. I feel like a kid again!  Here are some pics over the last year so you can see how much this dude has changed! Enjoy!
                                                                         

My tiny little pumpkin last year!

This year!

mini scarecrow

cowboy silly face

Christmas gift?

Daddy and Tan with the "twacto"

2010 Family Pic!

2011 Family Pic!

The Scare

And a scare it was! A few weeks ago I went in for my annual poking and prodding of my lady parts (I need to mention that I still have PTSD from birth so this was NOT fun) and about a week later I got a call from my doctor saying that the results came back abnormal. She said it could be one of many things, but all I heard was cancer. She informed me that I would need to come back in and have a biopsy done of my cervix (the cervix that is not long enough to begin with and caused me to have a very high risk pregnancy).  I pretty much freaked out and convinced myself that I had cancer and was terminal or I would never be able to have another baby. I didn't sleep for two days and just stared at my son sleeping wondering how long I would have with him and then on the other hand feeling very sad at the idea that I may never be able to feel a life growing inside of me again.

 So, the following Monday I went in for the biopsy with my husband at my side. He is amazing and has gone through so much with me that he probably doesn't or never wanted to see (sorry that you got the girl with the messed up lady parts). He held my hand through the AWFUL procedure and wiped my tears as I asked the doc if I was dying. Luckily, she said no, but the results would take two weeks to come back. For two weeks I was in a state of panic and it was really bad if I was woken up in the middle of the night. My mind would run crazy and the anxiety would build until I had to get up and watch some meaningless reality tv just to get my mind off possibly dying.  God must have heard my prayers because on Wednesday when I spoke to the doctor she said everything was FINE, no cancer, just a false reading. I will have to be checked every six months now (yay, NOT), but I have a clean bill of health! Oh and the best part, I can still HAVE BABIES!!! I need to wait at least six months before we start trying, mainly so I can get checked again, but then we are free to make a sibling (hopefully a sister) for Tanner! I am so thankful to my wonderful doctor! She is amazing and has taken such good care of me (craziness and all)!

I am also writing this blog to inform women about how important it is to get your annual exam. I go every year. Last year all was well and then this happened. I am so thankful that it was not cancer, but am also so happy that if it had been it would have been caught extremely early and able to be fixed. God works in mysterious ways, he has a way of making you look at life and really seeing what is important. Because of this, I am a better mom, wife, daughter and friend. No one knows what the future holds so living each day to the fullest is my new outlook on life! I pray for continued health and the ability to have and carry another child/children in my belly!

My two most important reasons for living! Love these boys so much!

Just An Ordinary Friday Night

So tonight was pure comedy in the Dean household!  Tanner had mac n' cheese, well actually the floor got most of it which the doggies loved! After dinner we decided to catch up on our favortie show Modern Family and spend some good old time in front of the television.  As I was nagging politely asking my husband to stop leaving his beer cans on the floor because I am sick of stains that can't be blamed on the dogs or Tanner, my sweet little, daddy's wingman ever so cleverly picks up daddy's almost full beer and launches it at me! And you know what was even nicer of him, he waited until after I had already showered, sweet kid, NOT! As daddy is in hysterics, I notice that Tanner reeks of poo (his third one of the day by the way) so undress him as daddy is filling the tub. As we are walking to the bathroom I feel a very warm sensation running down my stomach, much warmer than the huge beer spill I have on my leg! Yup, Tanner decided to add insult to injury and pee on his already beer smelling mommy! Daddy thought that was so hysterical that he almost fell in the tub (had I been closer I would've kicked his butt in there)!  So that's the start to our weekend, hope everyone's is as laughter filled and "fun" as ours!

our new lovely stain thanks to good old Coors Light

Thanks Tanner, I was a little cold anyway!

Too Soon To Tell? Um No!!!!

Well as mentioned in my last entry, I recently (like last week) began working full time. I am subbing for a friend at the school where I used to teach.  This was my opportunity to do a dry run and see if I am ready to go back to teaching full time next year. Well after 5 days of tears, heartache, and missing my baby boy so much that I'm pretty sure I have an ulcer, I have made my decision. While I love teaching, I HATE leaving my son! Little things throughout the day remind me of him and I am constantly on the verge of tears. Poor Coach  just asked how my day was going and crazy lady here began balling and telling him a long drawn out explanation of why I was so sad. I could literally see in his eyes that he thought I was totally nuts! That said, I will not be returning to teach next year or in the foreseeable future. I am going to finish these last 5 weeks and do my best and enjoy every minute that I am teaching my kiddos (did I mention they are a great class and all REALLY cute) and then am going to return to my days of snuggling, running, and mommy grouping, with the cutest boy in the world.  I'm not going to lie, the next several weeks are going to be tough, but with light at the end of the tunnel and really caring for my student's and their well being, I will get through it!

Not returning to work will be hard on our family financially, but I know God will provide. We may not have the newest gadgets or vehicles, may not get to vacation or eat out as much as we'd like, but honestly I would eat canned beans for the rest of my life and drive my car until it won't move another inch just to be with my son. Sacrifices are tough, but the reward of raising my child and spending those sweet moments that seem to pass so quickly is totally worth a few years of sacrifice. Being home for the last 14 months has meant the world to me and returning to work has actually made me appreciate and long for those moments even more.  I am just so blessed to have such a great support system in family, friends, and especially my husband.  He knows how important it is to me to be with Tanner and he works so hard so that I can be with him.  He sees the emotional toll being away from Tanner has had on me (and on the little man) and supports my decision to stay home. He is a wonderful man and I am so lucky to have such a hardworking man who provides so much for his family!

I don't know what the future holds and I may return to teaching someday.  In a perfect world I would find a job share situation so that I could have the best of both worlds.  I am actually going to start looking for a part time anything (if you know of any please send my way :) )  just so I can help out a little financially, but be home the majority of the time. I give working mamas all of my credit and accolades, y'all are amazing and I wish it was in the cards for me too, but for now Tanner and future babies (hopefully in the not too distant future) are it for me!

My reason for living! 

Balloon Fiesta 2011

Growing up I never really appreciated living in the good old Land of Enchantment. I used to think it was boring and there was never anything to do. Every year our states hosts the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta. Seeing it year after year  and dealing with horrendous traffic made it less desirable as I grew up. That was until I had a child of my own. Seeing the world through his eyes is like seeing everything for the first time. After an emotional couple of days (sadly I went back to work and am not enjoying leaving my kiddo, more on that later) my hubby and I woke up bright (well actually it was still VERY dark out) and early and headed out to the Fiesta! Tanner was a little concerned that he was up at 4 am and mama wasn't offering the boob, but once he had some baby cheetos he was ready to party! We got to the fiesta just as Dawn Patrol was getting ready for liftoff. My hubby was helping out on a crew so Tanner and I sat back and watched the magic!

Soon the sun began to rise and so did the balloons. The first balloon to go up was the "World" Balloon which had flags from various countries from around the world. This was the balloon Morgan was helping out with. It was beautiful and so fitting since Tanner is a little obsessed with the American Flag.

Since we didn't have a chance to eat before we left, we decided to eat some grub and finish watching the balloons. We got breakfast burritos and the thing I have been craving and not allowing myself to have for weeks. . . a funnel cake! And boy was it good!

breakfast of champions!

Balloons were taking off all over the place and filled the sky with so much for a certain one year old to look at! He was on "babooon" aka balloon overload! Seeing how excited he was made me feel like a kid again and truly appreciate this event. Seeing the smile on my husband's face as he was holding Tanner was priceless and something I will never forget. Some people may never see it in person and I am lucky enough to have seen it every year of my life. Having a child really makes you appreciate each and every thing about everyday! Thank you Tanner for opening mama's eyes to the world again!

this is my favorite balloon and Tanner even "mooed" when he saw it!

Look Dad!

Happy Family!

True Happiness!

Love his face!

And this is what waking up at 4 am and the excitement of Balloon Fiesta does to a one year old!

 

 

Today was an amazing day and one that I will never forget! I love my family so much and every moment with them means so much to me. That said, I think I have made my decision about what to do job wise next year. As most of you know I took a long term sub position at my old school to do a "test run" to see if I am ready to dive back into teaching. Well after two days (which some will say is not enough time to make a valid decision, but really I don't think I'll change my mind in the next 5 weeks) I know the answer, but will make you wait until my next blog to build suspense (well actually I'm just really tired, but suspense sounds better)!

Thanks Morgan, Tanner, and the neighborhood crew for a great day!