Friday, December 20, 2013

Major Catch Up

So my weekly attempts at updating the blog and pregnancy has not gone as planned at all. I am literally so tired that between taking care of Tanner, my gazillion doctors appointments, and trying to keep my house in order I am wiped by mid afternoon! Thank goodness for a husband who has really stepped up in all departments (cooking, cleaning, Tanner duty, etc) because I just can't keep up. Pregnancy in general is hard, but with a toddler it adds a whole new element.

Last time I updated I was 20 weeks pregnant! I am currently 27+3!! I am so excited to be passed viability and knowing that each day she bakes the stronger she will will be if she happens to come early. I had a scare at 21 weeks thinking I was contracting, turns out I was just a little backed up if you know what I mean! I can laugh now, but in the moment I was scared out of my mind. Things have been great since then. I am still suffering from SPD (symphsis pubic dysfunction) which is incredibly painful, but poses no risk to baby which is a relief. Heartburn is killer, but Pepcid is helping. Baby and I have hit a major growth spurt the last two weeks. My hopes for keeping my weight under 30 are probably dashed as I am 27 weeks and have gained 23lbs and still have 11 weeks until c-section. I was bummed, but since I am past viability I have started incorporating more workouts until SPD flares up. I will just have lots of work to do after little miss arrives. I'm starting to get overwhelmed with all of my doctors appointments right now. I go weekly for shots, biweekly for cervical length scans, monthly for growth scans of baby, and every three weeks to my regular Ob. It's a lot. I also have to do FFN testing every two weeks where they basically shove the longest q-tip you've ever seen up my hooha to see if I "might" go into labor in the next two weeks. I get being proactive, but man it's not fun having people up in your business all.the.time. On the major plus side, Avery is growing perfectly and loves moving around! Feeling her move inside of me is the most amazing feeling in the world. I love watching my tummy move around and she loves when her big brother talks to her. He told me last night that he already loves her and it melted my heart! He is going to be an amazing big brother!

Up next is Christmas and we are so excited to spend time with all of our loved ones! I will be 28 weeks by then and that was my major goal this time around! I am hoping and praying to make it to 38 and as each day passes I feel more confindent that I will!!

Here are some weekly picture to catch myself up



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                                           And finally a shot of my Little Princess at 27 weeks!

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Thankful for a reality check

Today is Thanksgiving. It's 1 am and I can't sleep. So much is running through my head and I just can't seem to turn my brain off. I have so many things to be thankful for this year and got hit with a dose of reality yesterday that really made my priorities in life pretty darn clear. I met my parents for lunch at a local burger place yesterday. As we were walking in we were approached by a man asking for money so he could buy lunch. At first my mom was a bit annoyed and gave him two dollars, mainly so he would go away. We didn't think much of it until we saw him walk in the resturant a few minutes later. He sat down, tears welling in his eyes and was watching others eat. My eyes met my moms and both of us lost it. The tears began flowing and neither of us could even take a bite of food. We both searched our purses and found some money for the man. My mom walked over to him and asked if he had ordered some food. He said that he used the money she gave him to get some fries, but that the workers told him he needed to leave. My mom took him outside and handed him the money. He said he was ashamed and "felt like crap" for having to beg. My mom said she was sorry she didn't give him more earlier, but that she wanted him to have a good dinner and that God would've wanted her to help. They both cried for a minute, then my mom returned to the table. We still ate our food with a lump in our throats and my brother made the comment "we can't help everyone", but the only thing that came out of my mouth was "well she made a difference to him". It was a small gesture and I know we wish we could've done more.

I have not been able to get this man off my mind. I have prayed all day that God will take care of him. I have struggled lately with feeling down about our particular situation. Finances are tight and we may not always be able to do the things we are used to, but I have never been hungry or cold. Seeing someone hungry hit me, hard. It's not fair. I complain about not being able to shop and all this man wanted was a burger. Talk about a lesson. I think God puts people or situations in our lives to show us what is really important. Today, I learned that I have so much to be thankful for (super fitting since today is Thanksgiving). I have love, a home, food to eat, a husband that would move heaven and earth for me if I asked, a healthy amazing little boy, and a baby girl growing inside of me. So often I complain about having too many places to go for the holidays and yet some people don't even have a place to sleep, much less a place to go for the holidays. This year I plan to embrace the fact that I have a crazy, big, loud, family that I love with all of my heart. I needed this reality check and thank God for opening my eyes to the bigger picture this year. I am truly blessed and need to remember that every single day.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

20 weeks

I am officially a little more than halfway through this pregnancy!!! 18 more weeks until I get to meet my little princess! This week has been an emotional one for me. I was 20+1 when I had my emergency cerclage with my son. That was the scariest day of my life. Yesterday, I was also 20+1 and had my anatomy scan. The nerves were at an all time high.  I was so scared that something would go wrong. But, thankfully, all was great with my girl. She is measuring right on track and she's still a girl. I've been holding off on the nursery because I was scared of an oops it's a boy! Best news of all my cervix measured at 4.5 cm! Much better than the 1.2 I had at this same gestation last time! My MFM is wonderful. He is like a big Santa Claus and is so sweet. I've been in a lot of pain lately from an overproduction of relaxin which makes your pelvic/pubic bone spread. He's not too concerned but officially said running will have to wait until after baby and even walking should be limited to only what I have to do. He did recommend trying the elliptical and joining water aerobics. I have a feeling I'll be joining the old lady water group at the gym!  I still have to go in every other week for cervical checks, but it's nice to be able to see Avery so often. In four weeks I get my 3d ultrasound so I am excited for that one and it marks my first big milestone 24 weeks!

How far along:  20 weeks 2 days

Sleep: Still a struggle. I am in the worst pain at night, but my snoodle is really helping (my boys hate my pillow).

Weight gain: With my last pregnancy I was up a lot of weight by this time! So far with this one I have gained 12lbs. Not to bad for not working out for 3 weeks, but I look much bigger than I did last time.

Stretch Marks: No new ones!!

Best moment this week:  Watching my tummy move as she kicks and Tanner asking to hug her at random times throughout the day.

Food Cravings:  I finally had a major craving Tuesday night. Like the kind of craving that made me cry because I needed it. Thankfully my hubby ran to the store at 8pm and got me an apple pie and ice cream. He's definitely a keeper!

Miss Anything:  I miss being active like I used to be. I've learned the hard way what overdoing it can do to me. Last weekend we went for a long walk and I'm still paying for it pain wise. I just need to remember that I will be active again soon as I'm sure I'll never sit with two kiddos running around.

20 week belly and she is finally moving up! And of course my Daisylou posing with me!

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

19 Weeks

I have been really bad about documenting this pregnancy. I don't know if it's just the lack of energy or the fact that I have a very active toddler who demands most of my attention. I really want to remember as much as I can with this pregnancy because I am pretty sure it will be my last. I am going to try and do a weekly update with milestones, belly pictures, etc. so I have a virtual memory of this pregnancy. Even though I had my son only three years ago, there are so many things I have forgotten about his pregnancy. So even though I'm already halfway through this pregnancy, I will do my best to document from here on out. 

How far along?  19 weeks 1 day

Sleep:  Insomnia is bad at the moment. Between having to get up and pee every two hours and my husband snoring, I don't get much sleep. I also tend to worry at night. It seems like all my days stresses seem to peak about 2 am. I am also dealing with a lot of pain from my pubic bone separating early so rolling over in bed is extremely painful. 

Stretch Marks:  No new ones yet!!! Hoping this is a trend. Bi oil is my new best friend and it has actually faded the ones from my last pregnancy tremendously! 

Weight gain: So far so good! At this stage with my son I think I was up about 20 pounds. This time I have gained 9 so far, but I look much bigger than I did with my son go figure!

Best moment this week: Feeling Avery move. So far I can only feel her from inside, but every time she moves it makes me smile and feel so blessed to be carrying her. 

Food Cravings:  I want green chile all.the.time. I pretty much put it on everything and then the heartburn kicks in! 

Miss anything: I miss working out! Never thought I'd say that, but when you are told you can't, it makes you want to even more. Because of the pubic bone pain, my doctor wants me to hold off on working out for a few weeks. I am still working on toning my arms, but legs and walking long distances are a no go for right now. It stinks, but I have the rest of my life to get back in shape and I'll do anything to ensure my girl is safe. 

I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going. Getting to 12 weeks seemed to take forever and now I am exactly 19 weeks away from my c-section! Weekly p17 injections (to keep uterus clam) make it seem so fast, mainly because once my butt starts feeling better it's time for another shot! I am also seeing my MFM biweekly for cervical length checks and am so excited to say that my last measurement was 4.9 cm!!! At this same point with Tanner it was 1.2 cm. Overall all the appointments are a bit overwhelming, but also reassuring. It's nice to see Avery every two weeks and nice to know that if something goes wrong the doctors will catch it early, but sometimes I feel like I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Staying faithful is my goal, and prayer and being able to talk to other women in my support group is my saving grace. 

19 week belly 

Thursday, September 19, 2013

God is Good

The last year has been filled with ups and downs, emotional and physical struggles.  Last June we had our hope for another child renewed after we had a very successful TAC (transabdominal cerlage) surgery in Chicago. We were so excited to put my new bionic cervix to the test, but unfortunately getting pregnant was not the easiest thing in the world for me. To be honest it was really hard. Month after month of disappointment was really starting to wear on me and I found myself not so much depressed, but just defeated. The first few months were fine, but when it wasn't happening I pulled out all the stops! I swear I almost went broke on ovulation tests, pregnancy tests, and eating a fertility friendly diet! I became obsessive. I temped and charted every morning, googled every symptom possible and was doing everything right, still with no reward.

After 8 months I made an appointment with my doctor. We discussed what was going on and he was pretty sure that I was not ovulating (kind of a big deal when you want a baby).  He decided to put me on Clomid (a fertility drug that tricks your body into ovulating).  I was excited for an answer as to why I wasn't getting pregnant, but I really had deep reservations about taking the drug. Women on Clomid have a 10-15% chance of conceiving multiples.  Since Tanner was a twin, my chances of multiples jumped to 25%.  Not a huge chance, but one that really scared me. I had such a hard time with Tanner's pregnancy, and even though my problem was fixed, I still had a hard time believing my body wouldn't fail me again. I was so nervous about it that I let the prescription sit on my counter for a month. I went in to see my doctor to have my progesterone levels checked which indicates if you ovulate or not. When my doctor called with the results I freaked out. Apparently my levels were that of a post menopausal woman! That phone call finally  gave me the push to decide that maybe I would take it. I decided to email my doctor from Chicago to get his opinion as he was a reproductive endocrinologist for 26 years.  He asked me to call him, so I did. He talked with me on the phone for over an hour and really eased my fears. After talking with him I decided that as soon as my cycle started I would give Clomid a shot.  The problem was, my cycle wasn't coming. I though great another problem. Finally on day 48 I called the doctor who prescribed me a drug to force my cycle to start. I picked up the prescription and decided to wait two more days. On day 50 I decided to take a test just to humor myself and just be certain I wasn't pregnant before taking the drug. To my absolute surprise there were two lines!!! I freaked out! First thing I could think of was calling my mom and the tears were pouring. Once I calmed down I called the doctor who told me to come in right away to take betas (not sure he believed that I was actually pregnant since he said I didn't ovulate). When my husband got home I surprised him and all he could say was "but you didn't ovulate".   I went in for blood and the next day it was confirmed based off my numbers that I was definitely pregnant! The numbers doubled over the next few days and an early ultrasound confirmed there was a baby in there!

Since I am high risk, I go in pretty often to have ultrasounds, which is nice to see baby and the progress, but not so nice on the wallet. At 6 weeks we had a scare, but since then everything has been great. Morning all day sickness is no fun, but it's weirdly reassuring. I am on progesterone to help sustain the pregnancy until 16 weeks at which time I will switch over to progesterone injections (my ass is already sore thinking about it).  And from then on out I will have bi weekly ultrasounds just to make sure my body is holding up. It's scary, but leaning on my faith and my online support group of friends who are also going through their first TAC pregnancy has helped tremendously.

I was and think I still am in a state of shock! I love my doctor, but it was so nice proving him wrong and getting pregnant without meds. All I can say is that God truly had a hand in all of this. Not that I needed proof, but this just reinforced that there is a higher power at work. It was in His time and I am just so thankful he chose to bless us with another child. I have prayed, cried, begged for this child and I will never take a second for granted.

Please just continue to pray for a long, full term, and healthy pregnancy for us. We are scared, but truly believe in the power of prayer.

Our Miracle at 12 weeks! 

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Learning to be patient (emphasis on learning)

Patience is not one of my virtues. I really can't remember a time in my life when I was patient for anything! The last three years have tested me and I am in the process of learning to be more patient, although it is literally driving me crazy! After three years of ups and downs, mainly focused on fertility, pregnancy, surgery I find myself yet again trying to find that balance of impatience and faith.

After my surgery last summer I wasn't quite ready to have another child. I wanted Tanner to be a little more self sufficient in case my next pregnancy would result in bed rest. I just couldn't imagine what life would be like for my little boy if his mommy couldn't pick him up or take him to the park like we do almost everyday. October rolled around and Morgan and I decided that we were both ready to start trying for our second baby. I am terrified after the pregnancy I had last time, but am hopeful now that I have a bionic cervix thanks to Dr. Haney!

We decided to try for a few months and just have fun with it. That lasted all of about one cycle. When it didn't happen the first time I found myself obsessing over babies! We are now on month four and I am pretty sure this isn't the month either. Four months and I am freaking out! All of the what if's start filling my mind. Seeing announcements are hard. I am genuinely happy for others who are experiencing pregnancy and a new life growing inside them. I just want it to happen here too!

The last three years have been such a roller coaster. Having to wait for things is hard. I remember when Tanner was in the NICU. Those two weeks seemed like the longest wait of my life! Finding out the awful news of having an abnormal pap just weeks before my surgery was awful and the week waiting for results about drove me mad (which came out fine). Waiting for insurance approval for surgery and then waiting for the actual surgery date were so hard as well. But, even after feeling like the wait was never ending everything worked out so beautifully! My son is healthy and perfect, and the absolute light of my life. My surgery showed me to what lengths I will go to protect my children present and future and even better, I go to meet the most compassionate doctor in the world! So just like everything in the past worked out, I am sure that I will be announcing my own pregnancy soon. I try to remind myself that I will appreciate my blessings even more because I had to work so hard for them. I saw this on pinterest and it pretty much sums up what I need to focus on right now
So starting today the above is my new motto. God knows what is best and I will give it all up to him.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Been A Long Time

It's been a long time since I've published a post. Almost everyday I write an entry in my head, but just never seem to type it. It could be that my days (especially the last three weeks) have been filled with running to the potty every 20 minutes with the little guy. Potty training is no joke, but I think we have finally become successful (or Tanner has). He is going on almost three weeks of no accidents! I am very proud of my little guy and although at times I was sure I was going to have a nervous breakdown and was pretty sure I would be sending my kid to kindergarten in Depends, we did it! Another hurdle of motherhood complete. As I think back on all the stages Tanner has been through the last 2.5 years (how in the world is my baby 2.5 years old), I can't help but smile, but my heart also aches a bit.

He is growing so fast! He is developing his own personality, and a very comical one at that! He is convinced that Honey Booboo is his girlfriend and has picked up a few sayings that a two year old probably shouldn't say. His favorite show is Fast N' Loud and now every time he sees a cool car he yells out "That's a bad ass car mommy"! I should probably censor tv time a little more! The innocence in the way he says it makes it hard to reprimand him and the fact that my husband laughs doesn't help. He has this tough guy exterior like his daddy, but then can melt your heart with sweetness. He loves to talk about Jesus and told me the other day that "Tan tan not scared, Jesus here". He is also so concerned with taking care of people and when I wasn't feeling well last weekend he said "don't worry, tan tan is here. I take care you".

I'm sad at how fast this is all going. Each passing stage just reminds me that my little boy is growing up. I absolutely love every minute I spend with him, even the challenging ones and the ones that want to make me rip my hair out! He makes me appreciate everyday and seeing the world through his eyes is the best part of motherhood. I love my boy so much and although I'm pretty sure that I'm screwing up this whole mommy thing most of the time, his smiles, hugs, and kisses are reassurance that I am doing something right.