Sleepless in Albuquerque

So the last two weeks have been rough! Tanner has decided that he is too cool for sleep! I first thought that maybe it was due to teething, but sheesh! How long does teething last! Tanner went from sleeping 9-10 hours straight, waking up to eat and going back down for another few hours! Now, he is up every 2-3 hours screaming and the ONLY thing that soothes him is boob! I've tried rocking him, letting him cry (for all of 5 minutes), having Morgan try to soothe him, but he flips out if I don't nurse him! I love the extra time I spend with him while nursing, but I am EXHAUSTED and tend to not be so nice without sleep (my hubby can attest to this). I am at a loss and don't know what else to do! A few moms on my facebook mommies group who have babies around the same age are also going through the same thing. It leads me to believe that it's just the age, but I am hoping this isn't a pattern for too long! I already told Tanner that he now owes me a boob job, along with the tummy tuck, lipo, and laser stretch mark removal. Hope the kid is smart and gets a good job to pay for all of this! All I can say is he is lucky he is so darn cute! I wouldn't put up with this from just anyone!

How could you resist this face! 

 

 

 

Self Esteem

Well today was a huge blow to my self esteem! I spent the morning trying on new clothes at Kohls only to come home with stuff for Tanner! I was looking for some new jeans and an Easter outfit! Didn't find either! Having a baby has really blown the little self esteem that I had!!! I thought I was doing good. I lost all the baby weight really fast, but was left with a body that was nothing like the body I had! Pregnancy has totally changed my body and I have "curves" (that's what we'll call them) in all the wrong places! This was made crystal clear in the dressing room today :( I loved being pregnant cause being chunky was cute, ugh! Plus it doesn't help that your husband just has to make a trip to the bathroom and comes out with a flat belly! Wish it was that easy!

The main problem I have is diet! I am still nursing and am hungry ALL the time! I try to go for healthy options, but sometimes a girl just needs a cheese burger! So to tackle my problem I have decided to sign up for some 5k walks/runs. I am planning on doing the Run for the Zoo and also the March of Dimes walk in May. I also dusted off the Jillian Michaels dvd's that I loath and will hopefully get motivated to do those soon! I'm trying to remember that it took 9 months to look like this and it will take 9 months to take it off, but damn it, 9 months is a month away and I am going to have to take Tanner to the pool at some point this summer yikes! Lipo please!

If only being chunky was this cute on everyone!

My addiction to sweets started early! Tanner and I have the same arm rolls!

Yup, he is my kid right down to the rolls!

Rolls could make a comeback! Looks good on him, not so much on mama!

Embracing the tummy!

The Life of a Stay At Home Mom

The life of a stay at home mom (SAHM) is a full time job. The pay is non existent, the hours are long, some days are more challenging than others, and at times it can be lonely. BUT honestly, it is the best job I have ever had. While I was pregnant I was sure that I would take my maternity leave and go back to my then "dream job". I loved teaching and my students (well most of them) meant the world to me. I was in a job that made a difference in the world and I worked with some really awesome people. There was no question, I was going back. Unfortunately life doesn't always go as planned and after a difficult pregnancy and pre-term birth and a stay in the NICU, my whole perspective on motherhood changed. I get some flack for choosing to stay home and always feel like I have to defend my decision. Yesterday I was at a birthday party for a close friends daughter and again had to defend my new line of work. As we were talking a woman asked if I was back at work. I told her that I decided to take this year off and and hoping to only go back part time next year if at all. She turned to me and said "you are talking to the wrong women here, we are all working mom's and can handle it just fine" in a very bitchy  snooty manner. I wish I could have come back with a rude remark (my mind doesn't work so fast), but I think the look on my face and how I scooped up my baby and walked away said it all. Now looking back I wish I would have told the stupid you know what until you are one day pregnant with twins and the next day not, find out at 20 weeks that you have a 75% chance of losing your baby if you don't have a risky surgery, have a surgery while pregnant, be on bed rest for two weeks, constantly worry that every move you make will make you go into labor, have a baby 4 weeks early, have to sit in a hospital waiting room 11 hours a day to feed your baby every 3 hours, and then cry your eyes out as you watch the hospital disappear in the rear view mirror and knowing that your son can't come home with you, being an emotional wreck for 11 days, and finally being able to bring your baby home, DON'T JUDGE ME! Then I felt like saying well we don't have a maid and a landscaper to do all our work at home you stupid judge mental piece of work! My experience showed me what is important in life.  I may not have all of the fancy things we could have had if I had been working, but I have time, time with my little boy! Had I not had all of these experiences, I probably would have gone back to work and I give so much praise to working moms. They have two full time jobs and deserve more than just one day (mothers day) to be thanked for all they do. I just wish people weren't so judge mental and rude, or would at least ask "why" before opening their big fat mouths!

Thankful Thursday

 Today as I was reading through some blogs I came across one that touched my heart. I have been keeping up with a blog about a woman who lost her four month old little girl Maddie. Her strength during this hard time in her life is a testament to her faith in God. She is an amazing woman. Today she asked for all parents to take their children to the park and play with them in honor of Maddie. Today was a rough day for me because it was my Mema's birthday. Tanner and I visited her and sent a balloon up to heaven for her. After some tears and visiting my Pampa, I decided a day at the park was exactly what I needed to lift my spirits. Morgan and I took Tanner to the park and played on the swings, teeter-totter, and sand in honor of Maddie and Mema. I thought about them the whole time and realized how precious each moment is with my little man. We said a little prayer for Maddie and her mommy. Maddie's story has made me a better mom and wife and shown me that every single second (even the not so fun ones) with Tanner is a miracle. I am so thankful for everyday I have with family and friends and promise to never take these moments for granted.

Tanner with his Pampa and cousin Mia

Tanner listening to Pampa sing

loving the swings

Daddy and Tanner on the teeter-totter trying to knock momma off!

Oh the joys of teething!

Well my poor little man has hit a new milestone. . . TEETHING! It is not fun for either of us!  So far the pearly whites have not made their debut, but I'm thinking it could be any minute! Tanner has been drooling like a faucet lately and has had a bad case of the grumpies! He is fine during the day, but night time rolls around and he is miserable! For about the last week he has decided that sleeping is not high on his priority list and therefore no one else in the house should sleep either. After a few nights of waking up every hour to nurse, I decided to do what everyone told me not to,  I let him sleep in bed with mommy and daddy! Now just as everyone warned me, I am having trouble getting him out! He decided that it's way easier to just roll over and find his best friend (the boob), but when it's dark sometimes he gets my nose or my elbow! So I am officially a human pacifier who gets about 2 whole inches of bed and a beagle curled up next to my butt! Mornings are great though. A few days ago I woke up to Tanner rubbing my face and smiling (the best feeling in the world)! I am hoping that this is just a bump in the road or gums and he will resume his 11 hours of sleeping soon! Teething is not for armatures lol!

Tanner after a dose of tylonel and a long car ride! The most sleep we saw that night!