Life is Precious

Life is precious and no one knows when they will be called back home. Just Wednesday afternoon I met my uncle on the road. He was driving his Mercedes top down with the biggest smile on his face. We waved and I didn't think much more of it. I didn't realize that that moment would be my last memory of him. Last night we got a call saying he had passed. We all rushed to his house where police and OMI were still investigating. The family sat around and we cried, remembered stories, and cried some more. It is still unreal that this is really happening. It was determined that he probably had a heart attack and went in his sleep. Typing those words just made it real. I was hoping I would just wake up from this nightmare. I feel so guilty for not being as close as I once was. I respected him and loved him, but I wish I would have shown him more. I know in my heart he is in a better place. He is with my Mema (who loved him so much). I just pray that Heaven has Harley's and open roads and maybe a Casino or two.

Going through this has shown me how precious life is. It has taught me to never take one second for granted. Those little moments you don't think much about can actually be the moments you will never forget. I am glad the last memory I have of my Uncle was seeing him grinning ear to ear. I miss him and always will. I just pray for strength for my family at this difficult time. I pray that they will come together. I also pray for his daughter. I couldn't imagine losing a parent and I pray that she gets through this the best she can. God give us strength and take care of those no longer with us.

The Fall

Well it seems like every six months or so Tanner is due for a good face plant resulting in scars and a heart attack for his mama! A couple of days ago Tanner was having a blast playing in the backyard. He was content to do his own thing and his daddy and I actually got a minute to have an adult beverage and talk about our day! We have an elevated patio and Tanner has done great walking down the two steps onto the grass, that was until the day of the fall. Tanner bent down to take his first step and his BFF (Otis aka the damn dog) ever so lightly hit him with his tail sending Tanner face first onto the flagstone Morgan had just laid! I heard a thump or two and then the screams! I panicked, ran inside, covered my eyes and  screamed asked calmly (haha) for Morgan to please tell me that he had teeth and a non broken nose! He carried my bloody mess of a baby to me and after I inspected the teeth (I have a weird fear of teeth being knocked out) and made sure all his pearly whites were intact, I searched for the source of the blood. The culprit was a busted lip! He ended up with two goose egg bumps on his forehead, a mess of a scratched up face, Angelina lips and about a million "oucheeees" screamed at me and daddy! I have a feeling his modeling career may be over before it even started, who am I kidding this kid is ridiculously adorable scratches and all! All in all he is fine and a pretty tough kid! He is 100% boy and I know this is just one of many accidents I will witness! Hurts the heart as a mommy though!

Here's the result two days after fall! At least he is still happy!

Nerves and Therapy

Well the nerves have official started. I am starting to freak out about our upcoming trip to Chicago and my impending "mini" c-section, but without the baby! I know this surgery is the only way to have a "normal" pregnancy, but I'm getting really scared and even questioning my decision. I know I will be in the best hands and that God sent Dr. Haney my way on purpose, but man I am scared out of my mind! I am terrified of leaving my little guy. We haven't been apart over night since our NICU days and I am so afraid that he will think I abandoned him. I know he will be fine and will be spoiled rotten by my parents, but I feel like a terrible mom for leaving him. I also feel guilty because this trip is going to cost a pretty penny. My hubby has been so wonderful, picking up side jobs and working his butt off to do this. I am dipping into my savings and doing that scares me so much! I like planning for the future and not having a clear idea of the future or not having that financial cushion scares me.

I have been playing the awful "what if" game a lot lately. What if I die, the plane crashes, all the stupid morbid what ifs are driving me nuts!!! I know I have to have faith that everything will be okay and that this surgery will work and I will again carry a healthy baby inside of me! June 7th (surgery day) seems so far away, but then so close sometimes. I actually emailed Dr. Haney the other day with my list of pretty ridiculous questions and those "what if's" and to my surprise he responded immediately! He answered every question and took time to speak to me like a normal person. After this I know I made the right choice, I just wish this man was a little closer! On the bright side, I get to see my Mecca! Soldier Field and the Chicago Bears here I come!

Looking to the bright side doesn't always work for me so I have found other ways to cope with my crazy emotions and nerves. I found a support group called http://abbyloopers.com. All of these women have what I have and have either had a TAC (transabdominal cerclage) or are in the process of having one. Their stories are inspiring and knowing that I am not alone has helped so much. I feel like I have so many friends (even though we have never met) out there rooting for me! When I get down I read their posts and know this is the right path for me even though it will hurt (physically and emotionally).  I have also begun running agian. I am 6 weeks in and am feeling great! I run everyday, sometimes twice a day and my motivation is a faster recovery with a body that is in better shape. When I want to give up I think about the surgery and how I want to resume activity so I can still have a great summer with Tanner. I also use the possibility of a future pregnancy as my motivation! I want to be my healthiest for a baby and also want to shed the after baby pounds faster than I did with Tanner.  Running has been my therapy and best of all it's free!

I know the next few weeks leading up to the surgery are going to be scary and probably have me an emotional wreck! I am so thankful for my upcoming haircut and spa day and many runs with my great friend to help relieve some of the tension! Until then I just have to keep telling myself I am doing the right thing and God will be by my side the entire journey.

My Surprise

Tanner and I had a very busy day of picnicing in the park, playing in the park, walking with our friend Anissa, and shopping at Wally World. In the midst of all of this excitment, Tanner decided he was too cool to take a nap. This meant for a long day for mommy.  When Daddy got home today he decided to give me a much needed mental health break.  One of thier favorite things to do together is drive out to the mesa and look for "gunk" aka junk.  They off road and the bumpy road usually puts Tanner to sleep in mere seconds!  While they were gone I was able to actually get through a Jillian Michaels workout and cook dinner!! I was just finishing up dinner when I heard the garage door open and Tanner yelling "Mama". When I opened the door Tanner met me with a handful of "flowers" which were actually weeds, but really pretty weeds! It melted my heart and almost made me cry! He is learning early the key to a ladies heart!

Blurry phone picture, but still melts my heart!

The best bouquet of flowers I've ever gotten!

Easter Weekend

Easter is one of my favorite holidays.  My family goes all out and I was so excited to see Tanner's reaction this year. Our Easter weekend started on Saturday with a BBQ and egg hunt at good friends house. Her daughter Audrey is a month younger than Tanner and they are great friends. The kiddos went on a hunt and caught on to the concept of "hunting" for eggs pretty fast. Tanner discovered that there was "coclic" aka chocolate in the eggs and was pretty much in heaven (he is quite the addict).

looking for eggs

Always the gentleman. Tanner kept giving Audrey his eggs!

After the hunt we went to Sarah and Elijah's for yummy burgers and let the kiddos and dogs play in the backyard. It was a great start to the weekend and the hunt was great practice for the huge hunt he was gearing up for on Sunday.

Easter Sunday started with our early rise to make it to church on time. I used to hate the people who would only show up twice a year and take up all the room, but sadly this year I have become one of them. My son has yet to learn proper "church behavior".  He likes to crow like a rooster and gets very excited to see the clock above the confessionals (this would be fine if he could say clock right, but he is yet to learn the "l" sound so the word isn't very church appropriate). Church was a work out and I broke a sweat. Thankfully my parents and Morgan were both there so we played musical baby most of mass.

After mass we headed over to my Grandma's house. I love her house. It is small and busting at the seams with all of us (we are a pretty big bunch and growing every year), but I wouldn't have it any other way. We ate delicious food, laughed, and got ready for the big hunt.

lining kiddos up

Faster dad!!!

We always hide tons of eggs filled with candy, money and this year funny and not so funny items. We also love doing confetti eggs! They are pretty much hollowed out eggs filled with confetti that we smash on each others heads! It can get brutal at times, but it is so much fun! Tanner loved looking for eggs and kept his daddy busy!

Got one!



The craziness unfolding!

The newest member to the Tafoya clan! Baby Jaxon!




 







Paul got the "mystery egg" that said "Do Not Open". He didn't yield the advice and opened it to find a dead CENTIPEDE! Who would do such a thing?

THIS LADY! She looks sweet, but watch out! Actually she is very sweet and Paul earned $5 for his creepy egg! I would have died if that was my egg! We know who to watch out for next year!

Aaliyah had enough hunting!

Taking a break to watch the sheep run!

My amazing grandma getting in on the action! She's a sneaky one! She acts like she wants a hug then bops you on the head with an egg and hard too!

Everyone had such a blast and I am so happy that Tanner can now be a part of this wacky family and our traditions! I am so thankful for every single member of this family! At times it can be so chaotic with a big family, but then I feel so lucky to have so many people that love me and I them! I have to say that this is by far my favorite Easter of all time!

All thanks to this guy!

Hope y'all had a great Easter too!