My days of being a stay at home mommy are numbered. First off let me say that being home with Tanner has been the most amazing time of my life! I thank my husband so much for working so hard and providing for our family so that I could fulfill my dream of being home with Tanner. I would not trade this past year with Tanner for anything. Thankfully, my transition into working mom will be temporary. I am going back to my wonderful school to take over for a friend as she becomes a mommy to baby number two! I will be back full time for six weeks and I have varying emotions on it! On one hand I am so happy to be doing what I love (even though 1st graders scare the crap out of me), working with a great staff, knowing my baby will be in great hands, feeling like the "old me", and being able to help Morgan out with some of the finances. On the other hand I am feeling completely overwhelmed by the fact that I will be leaving my little boy. The 12 days that we were separated while he was in the NICU were the hardest days of my life and although I know this is totally different, I don't ever want to feel that sadness again. I think my separation anxiety is worse than my sons! I KNOW he will be okay, hell he's with Grammie and and Grandpa, but my heart breaks thinking of all the things I will miss out on! I know, I know six weeks will fly and once I settle into a routine, I know I will love being back!
So, I'm taking this opportunity as a test run to show myself that it is possible to cut the cord and regain a little bit of me! My biggest fear of diving back into teaching is getting pregnant again and feeling like I won't be able to give my next baby the same opportunity that Tanner has had, or having to leave my job again! Leaving was one of the hardest things I had ever done (probably easier than leaving Tanner though). I am by no means trying for a sibling for Tanner, but have a feeling it will happen if I were to go back full time (just my luck)! I guess I need to just put the future into God's hands and know that whatever happens, job, baby, etc. is all a part of his will and I will cross that bridge when I get there! For now I am looking forward to teaching again and also dreading leaving my boy, but know that this will be good for both of us and our family!
Here's some momma and Tanner time daddy captured!
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| Jemez, New Mexico Aug. 2011 |
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| enjoying the nice cool air in the mountains! |
Well you know that I will enjoy seeing you on a daily basis at work. Going back after being on maternity leave was super hard, but I do enjoy my time with making a difference in other kids lives. It is so hard to leave Audrey every time, but I know that she is having fun and enjoying playing with kids. 1 month girl!!!
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