My Rock

This has been a rough week for me.  I have decided to start the long journey to getting my TAC surgery and hopefully start trying for a sibling for Tanner next fall.  I had an amazing consultation with a Dr. in Chicago (because only one very inexperienced doctor does them here in good old NM). After talking with him and emailing a few times I KNOW he is the doctor for me. I have a sense of calm and know I will be in the best hands. The dilemma you ask? Well that would be insurance and the run around between them and my doctors here. My doctor is pretty much blowing me off and insurance can't even start process with out her approval. I am frustrated. Even with her approval, there is no guarantee that insurance will cover this surgery. I am so mad that people who have no idea what it is like to almost lose a child are the ones determining if this surgery is a "necessity"! It is to me! I don't want to have another kid in the NICU or God forbid have to bury a child because they don't think fixing my screwed up cervix is a necessity!  I love being a mom and I don't feel that doctors or insurance should dictate whether or not I can have another one or how I go about having one. I have a feeling I am going to have the fight of my life on my hands here shortly. been

That being said, I am pretty much an emotional wreck. I have, however, seen an amazing side to my husband. He has been my rock these past few days and I wouldn't be able to go on this journey without him. His kind words, a touch, a  hug right when he knows I need it most made me fall even more in love with him. He was the strong one during our issues with my pregnancy, I leaned on him while Tanner was in the hospital, and now again he is there reassuring me and promising that everything will be alright. This journey we have been on has been tough on both of us and sometimes I wonder who he leans on since I am the crazy, obsessive, needy one. I wish I could be as strong and have as much faith as he does. Again, he is pretty awesome!  As if that wasn't wonderful enough, he continues to get up each day and work so hard so that I am able to stay at home with Tanner. He never complains and is always worried about me and whether I need a break. He is an amazing cook, and even more amazing Daddy and my best friend in this world. I thank God everyday for bringing this amazing man into my life. I am one lucky girl. Now, I just need to believe him and trust that God has a plan for us and that everything really will be okay.

My rock, my friend, and my love!