Rough Week

The past two weeks have been rough on my family. My uncle's passing has hit hard. I guess the fact that it happened with no warning has kind of thrown me.  We had his funeral last Tuesday and it was amazing to see our church packed, I mean standing room only and some people even had to stand outside. He had many friends who I am sure are still in shock that he is gone as well. Honestly, I am having a hard time with this. My uncle and I were not incredibly close. I only really talked with him about once a month when we both happened to be at my Grandpa's. I would, however, see him almost everyday driving his car or motorcycle down Corrales road.  I miss those passings and those waves. Every motorcycle I see I think of him and maybe that's a good thing and I will see it as a blessing later, but right now it just makes me sad. It makes me remember the phone call and the "what if's" begin filling my mind. I also feel guilty for not making more time to show him I cared. I am sad that my son won't remember him and his goofy smile. I was always kind to him, but I just wish I could have done more. There are days that I forget he is really gone and then it hits. I feel bad for smiling and laughing and living life. How long until I won't feel guilty? How long until these waves of sadness and guilt pass? Will they ever? I just hurt and am sad for the life he didn't get to live. I know he is okay and is being taken care of by the Lord, but it doesn't take away all of the emotions those of us here on Earth still have. Seeing my mom and dad hurting is the worst. Seeing my Grandpa sad breaks my heart. I know I have to make more of an effort to surround myself with my family and to show them that I love and appreciate them. I don't want any more regrets. I don't want the "I should have's" either.