Tomorrow

is the day I fought so hard for, am excited for, but am also dreading so much. Morgan and I are leaving to Chicago to meet with the amazing Dr. Haney and to have a surgery that will change my life. Sounds great right, not so much. First off I am terrified of having my stomach cut open and the pain associated with it, but I am even more terrified of leaving my little boy for five days. Saying goodbye to him is going to be the hardest thing I've done in a very long time. He is my entire life. I spend every single day with him and love every single second, even the challenging ones. I've never spent more than a few hours away from him, so overnight is going to be hard. I have considered just taking him with us, but I know in my heart it is better for him to stay with my parents. He will be safe. He will be loved. He will be a spoiled rotten brat when I get home.  I just have this fear that he will think I abandoned him and won't come back.  I guess you can say I'm a little attached to the kid.

I am trying to look at the positive side and remember that this surgery is the only way for us to add to our family  one day. I am so lucky to have found Dr. Haney and that he is the best at what he does. I am blessed to have an option and that by doing this I will not be risking my child's life if I choose to get pregnant in the future. All that said, the fear is still there. But, I am doing this. There is no backing out. Hopefully I will look back on this and laugh. And hey, I gave birth with an epidural that ran out, this should be cake, right? (God I hope so).

I got great advice from some friends saying take this opportunity to enjoy my time with the hubby and try not to worry the whole time. I am going to try really hard. We need this. We need some time, just us. We need to be young and enjoy our selves for a couple of days. I am going to try my best!

Tomorrow is going to be hard. I know I'm going to cry. I know I will miss my baby more and more each day, but I also know the hugs and kisses I get when I get back are going to be amazing! Please keep our family in your thoughts as we start yet another journey.