Recovery from abdominal surgery is no joke! This has made vaginal childbirth look easy as pie, except for the few weeks of having to sit on a pillow and carrying around my two best friends, Tux and perrie bottle. Other than that birthing Tanner was pretty easy and the recovery time was not bad (having intimates with the hubby suffered a bit, but baby making was the last thing on my mind anyway, hehe)! Having my TAC was much harder than I had anticipated. I prepared so much for this surgery. I ran 3-4 miles every.single.day up until two days of leaving to Chicago. I was in great physical shape and my doctor said because of my fitness level I should be healed totally in about a week. WRONG! Apparently I don't heal well. I had a horrible reaction to the morphine pump and strained my incision from all my puking. Then, I don't make a very good "junky" because Percocet pretty much kills me. So Ibuprofen every 3 hours is the only form of drugs that don't make me totally loopy, but also don't totally kill the pain either. I am having really bad sharp pains on the left side of my incision, but have been told it is completely normal. For being in pretty good shape, I can't walk very far without having to stop, not because I'm winded, but because my insides feel like they are about to protrude through my stomach.
Today, the incision feels a bit better, but now that some of the swelling in my belly has gone down, I am feeling the bruising type sensation the doctor warned me about. I am so thankful not to look five months pregnant anymore, but I still have some swelling in the tummy area which brings out the crazy, body image self diagnosed body dismorphic disorder in me! I am critical on myself on a good day, so having this extra whatever it is around my belly is pretty much killing me. Not being able to run or workout is freaking me out as well. I miss running. I hate it while I'm doing it, but when I can't that's the only thing I want to do! Everyone keeps telling me that I "just had surgery" and that I need to take time to recover, but I just want to feel normal again and do normal, active things with Tanner. I am so thankful for Hot Yoga that starts next month with my good friend Brittney! Hopefully that will help with the toning back up of my hacked through ab muscles!
This whole experience has made me quite terrified of my future pregnancies that all will require c-sections. I thought I would want to try for baby # 2 right away, but I'm rethinking that. Maybe by late fall when this memory starts to fade, but nine months of anticipating this pain again is not going to be fun. The things we do for our children. I will be sure to remind future kiddos about the crap I went through to make sure they made it into the world as safely as possible!
That's my whine and rant for the day. I'm sure I will feel better soon and look back on this whole experience and smile, knowing that this pain and discomfort is only temporary and will only lead to good things in the future!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Chicago. . .The Not So Fun Days
Thursday morning was surgery day. We got up super early, jumped on the "L" and headed down to the University of Chicago Medical Center to meet this guy. I didn't take a picture with him because Melinda with no make up at 7 am isn't the prettiest! I am so blessed to have found Dr. Haney. He is the most awesome Dr. I have ever met. He was kind, compassionate, treated us like real people, and is a miracle worker for so many women.
Dr. Haney specializes in the Transabdominal Cerclage (TAC) procedure that gives women who have been diagnosed with Incompetent Cervix (IC) a chance at carrying their babies to term. He is so passionate about his work and truly cares about his patients. I have emailed and called this man so many times and he always gets back to me the same day. I wish there were more doctors out there like him.
When we got to the hospital I was taken back to a curtained off area with others who were having surgery. I had my IV inserted (ouch), took a pregnancy test and prayed it was negative so I wouldn't have to reschedule surgery, put on my fashionable gown and waited to talk with Dr. H and his residents. His team was awesome and every member came in to say hello. I kissed Morgan goodbye and walked down the hall to the operating room. It was scary. It looked a lot like Grey's Anatomy and my anesthesiologist was actually pretty darn cute! I remember sitting up getting ready for my spinal and then remember leaning and the resident saying Whoa! She's already out! That's it! Next thing I know I am in recovery feeling really drowsy. They showed me my pain pump and I clutched that thing for dear life. I soon got transported to my room and started feeling really yucky so I just kept hitting my pain pump every 8 minutes like they told me to. Come to find out later, that would be the worst decision EVER! Apparently I cannot tolerate drugs, so I spent the remainder of Thursday and most of Friday morning puking my guts up, which really hurts after you have abdominal surgery!!!
Dr. H came in to check on me and of course I almost puke on the guy. Super embarrassing, but hey what can you do. He gave me a fast drip IV to try and flush the morphine out of my system and told me to not even try to eat until morning. He talked to me, about post op stuff, but honestly I only remember throwing up. He talked to Morgan for a while and explained that my cervical length was great, but I am missing the organ (sphincter) at the top which closes shut after conception to keep from dilating and causing per term labor. He also had to remove a small cyst on my right ovary, but said everything else looked great and that I should have no problem getting pregnant in the future and staying pregnant! By mid day Friday I started feeling a little bit better, but then it was time to walk. Getting up for the first time was excruciating!!! I have never felt pain like that. It made childbirth look easy and now I am terrified of my C-section I will have to have one day. I couldn't walk much because I was so dizzy from the meds, but in order to be discharged I had to walk and hold down a little food. Oh, and pee. Which proved to be difficult after your body has relied on a catheter for two days!
When I got the okay to get out of the hospital we were wheeled down to the exit, jumped (or shuffled like an 80 year old) in a taxi and headed to the hotel. The taxi ride was not fun and I was just praying I wouldn't puke in the poor guys car! Walking from the hotel entrance to the room was again excruciating and knowing that i would have to get up and walk every hour was not something I was looking forward to! Morgan was great and made me walk even though I didn't want to. It helped and each step I took got easier and a little less painful. I don't remember much of Friday night, but I knew all I wanted to do was see my precious little boy Saturday. Saturday morning came and we again made our way to a taxi and then to the airport. All I can say is being in a wheelchair at an airport is AMAZING!! I got to bypass all the security and check in lines and got to board the plane first! The flight was miserable. I was still super dizzy and the turbulence really didn't help.
The best part was driving up to my parents and seeing Tanner's face when he saw me. He was so happy, but a little freaked out about the way I walked. He is having some trouble remembering to be gentle with mommy's ouchie, but we are working on it. If he wasn't such a rowdy boy it would be easier!
We are now day 5 post surgery and I am feeling okay. I am still sore, but as long as I stay ahead of the pain with my meds I am good. I am walking less like a hunched back 85 year old, but the swelling in my stomach is not pretty. I pretty much look like I am 5 months pregnant and hoping it will go down soon. Dr. H's colleague is doing a study on ovarian cancer and asked for a fat sample from healthy women to compare in his research! I gave my full permission and told them to feel free to take as much as they wanted. The downside was a little more soreness, but hey some fat is gone hallelujah! My scar is tiny, but very tender. I am having a weird burning pain on the left side of my incision, but according to doctor its completely normal and just my nerves regenerating. I coughed yesterday and I cried. Laughing hurts so Morgan and Tanner are on strict orders not to be funny! Warning TMI: I am having trouble in the bathroom department ie pooping! Haven't gone in 5 days and it hurts. I spent about an hour in the bathroom last night and nada! I guess it will come when it's ready, but ouch!
I know this is a crazy long post, but I have to thank one more person. My husband has been so amazing during this entire journey. He has been my shoulder to cry on and my rock. He has kept me positive and made the scary journey to Chicago as enjoyable as possible. You know you married the perfect person when you can look your worst and he still loves you. When you can joke about not pooping for 5 days and he sits outside of the bathroom giving you advice on how to get it out! He has taken over with Tanner to let me rest and I am so thankful for that. He is a great daddy and an amazing partner! I couldn't have done this without him!
Now I am just looking forward to getting back to "normal". I am missing running so much! I can't wait to work out and Dr. H said I will have no restrictions in a couple more days!!! I can't wait to drive myself around and to be done with these awful pain meds! Each day has gotten so much better and I just can't wait to see what the future holds with my new bionic cervix!!
When we got to the hospital I was taken back to a curtained off area with others who were having surgery. I had my IV inserted (ouch), took a pregnancy test and prayed it was negative so I wouldn't have to reschedule surgery, put on my fashionable gown and waited to talk with Dr. H and his residents. His team was awesome and every member came in to say hello. I kissed Morgan goodbye and walked down the hall to the operating room. It was scary. It looked a lot like Grey's Anatomy and my anesthesiologist was actually pretty darn cute! I remember sitting up getting ready for my spinal and then remember leaning and the resident saying Whoa! She's already out! That's it! Next thing I know I am in recovery feeling really drowsy. They showed me my pain pump and I clutched that thing for dear life. I soon got transported to my room and started feeling really yucky so I just kept hitting my pain pump every 8 minutes like they told me to. Come to find out later, that would be the worst decision EVER! Apparently I cannot tolerate drugs, so I spent the remainder of Thursday and most of Friday morning puking my guts up, which really hurts after you have abdominal surgery!!!
Dr. H came in to check on me and of course I almost puke on the guy. Super embarrassing, but hey what can you do. He gave me a fast drip IV to try and flush the morphine out of my system and told me to not even try to eat until morning. He talked to me, about post op stuff, but honestly I only remember throwing up. He talked to Morgan for a while and explained that my cervical length was great, but I am missing the organ (sphincter) at the top which closes shut after conception to keep from dilating and causing per term labor. He also had to remove a small cyst on my right ovary, but said everything else looked great and that I should have no problem getting pregnant in the future and staying pregnant! By mid day Friday I started feeling a little bit better, but then it was time to walk. Getting up for the first time was excruciating!!! I have never felt pain like that. It made childbirth look easy and now I am terrified of my C-section I will have to have one day. I couldn't walk much because I was so dizzy from the meds, but in order to be discharged I had to walk and hold down a little food. Oh, and pee. Which proved to be difficult after your body has relied on a catheter for two days!
When I got the okay to get out of the hospital we were wheeled down to the exit, jumped (or shuffled like an 80 year old) in a taxi and headed to the hotel. The taxi ride was not fun and I was just praying I wouldn't puke in the poor guys car! Walking from the hotel entrance to the room was again excruciating and knowing that i would have to get up and walk every hour was not something I was looking forward to! Morgan was great and made me walk even though I didn't want to. It helped and each step I took got easier and a little less painful. I don't remember much of Friday night, but I knew all I wanted to do was see my precious little boy Saturday. Saturday morning came and we again made our way to a taxi and then to the airport. All I can say is being in a wheelchair at an airport is AMAZING!! I got to bypass all the security and check in lines and got to board the plane first! The flight was miserable. I was still super dizzy and the turbulence really didn't help.
The best part was driving up to my parents and seeing Tanner's face when he saw me. He was so happy, but a little freaked out about the way I walked. He is having some trouble remembering to be gentle with mommy's ouchie, but we are working on it. If he wasn't such a rowdy boy it would be easier!
We are now day 5 post surgery and I am feeling okay. I am still sore, but as long as I stay ahead of the pain with my meds I am good. I am walking less like a hunched back 85 year old, but the swelling in my stomach is not pretty. I pretty much look like I am 5 months pregnant and hoping it will go down soon. Dr. H's colleague is doing a study on ovarian cancer and asked for a fat sample from healthy women to compare in his research! I gave my full permission and told them to feel free to take as much as they wanted. The downside was a little more soreness, but hey some fat is gone hallelujah! My scar is tiny, but very tender. I am having a weird burning pain on the left side of my incision, but according to doctor its completely normal and just my nerves regenerating. I coughed yesterday and I cried. Laughing hurts so Morgan and Tanner are on strict orders not to be funny! Warning TMI: I am having trouble in the bathroom department ie pooping! Haven't gone in 5 days and it hurts. I spent about an hour in the bathroom last night and nada! I guess it will come when it's ready, but ouch!
I know this is a crazy long post, but I have to thank one more person. My husband has been so amazing during this entire journey. He has been my shoulder to cry on and my rock. He has kept me positive and made the scary journey to Chicago as enjoyable as possible. You know you married the perfect person when you can look your worst and he still loves you. When you can joke about not pooping for 5 days and he sits outside of the bathroom giving you advice on how to get it out! He has taken over with Tanner to let me rest and I am so thankful for that. He is a great daddy and an amazing partner! I couldn't have done this without him!
Now I am just looking forward to getting back to "normal". I am missing running so much! I can't wait to work out and Dr. H said I will have no restrictions in a couple more days!!! I can't wait to drive myself around and to be done with these awful pain meds! Each day has gotten so much better and I just can't wait to see what the future holds with my new bionic cervix!!
Monday, June 11, 2012
Chicago. . . The fun days
Well we are back in the Land of Enchantment and honestly I could not be happier! Chicago was nice, but I now have a new appreciation for New Mexico and the small town feel. The big city was very overwhelming to this country girl! Leaving Tanner was so hard and I'm sure Morgan and I said "man Tanner would've loved this" about 100 times a day. Overall the trip was great and just what Morgan and I needed. I take that back, the first two days were great, the other 3 not so much. I'll get into that another day.
We landed in Chicago early Tuesday morning and rode the "L" for an hour and a half ride to our hotel. First time on a train like that was a little scary, but we soon got used to it. The sights were amazing. We rode through some not so nice areas of town that kind of scared me, but also made me appreciate home so much more. We stayed near O'hare airport in a beautiful room! The view was amazing! It was so quiet in there though without a two year old running around! We ate at a local Tavern and then decided to head into the city for some sightseeing. We rode the train to downtown and were amazed at the size of the city. Pictures do not do justice to how tall the buildings truly are. The city was such a fast paced way of life. People weaving in and out of you with earphones and tablets attached to them. It was different. We went into a whole in the wall bar had a drink, some fried food, and watched the game. We walked around and took in more sights before heading to the hotel.
The next day we again ventured out to the city. This time we decided to be total tourists and hit some touristy hotspots. We walked along Lake Michigan all the way to the Shed Aquarium. It was beautiful! They had dolphins and beluga whales. I only wish Tanner had been there to see it! After that we hoped on a water taxi and headed over to Navy Peir where we ate delicious sea food and and walked along the lake. It was such a great day and one that we will never forget.
This was a great trip. A trip filled with new experiences, hope, laughter, and pain. I am so glad we had a few days to have the honeymoon we never got to take and to now have a bionic cervix that will allow us to add to our family. The last few days of the trip were not glamorous by any means, but showed me what a wonderful man I married. He has seen me at my absolute worst and still loves me (thank God). I am truly blessed!
We landed in Chicago early Tuesday morning and rode the "L" for an hour and a half ride to our hotel. First time on a train like that was a little scary, but we soon got used to it. The sights were amazing. We rode through some not so nice areas of town that kind of scared me, but also made me appreciate home so much more. We stayed near O'hare airport in a beautiful room! The view was amazing! It was so quiet in there though without a two year old running around! We ate at a local Tavern and then decided to head into the city for some sightseeing. We rode the train to downtown and were amazed at the size of the city. Pictures do not do justice to how tall the buildings truly are. The city was such a fast paced way of life. People weaving in and out of you with earphones and tablets attached to them. It was different. We went into a whole in the wall bar had a drink, some fried food, and watched the game. We walked around and took in more sights before heading to the hotel.
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| So excited for his seafood! |
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| View of the city in the background |
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| Mr. Serious who wore his Lobo gear in case we ran into Urlacher! |
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| The bean and my frizzy hair! Chicago is not nice to people with curls |
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| The best and most supportive husband around! Still in love! |
Monday, June 4, 2012
Tomorrow
is the day I fought so hard for, am excited for, but am also dreading so much. Morgan and I are leaving to Chicago to meet with the amazing Dr. Haney and to have a surgery that will change my life. Sounds great right, not so much. First off I am terrified of having my stomach cut open and the pain associated with it, but I am even more terrified of leaving my little boy for five days. Saying goodbye to him is going to be the hardest thing I've done in a very long time. He is my entire life. I spend every single day with him and love every single second, even the challenging ones. I've never spent more than a few hours away from him, so overnight is going to be hard. I have considered just taking him with us, but I know in my heart it is better for him to stay with my parents. He will be safe. He will be loved. He will be a spoiled rotten brat when I get home. I just have this fear that he will think I abandoned him and won't come back. I guess you can say I'm a little attached to the kid.
I am trying to look at the positive side and remember that this surgery is the only way for us to add to our family one day. I am so lucky to have found Dr. Haney and that he is the best at what he does. I am blessed to have an option and that by doing this I will not be risking my child's life if I choose to get pregnant in the future. All that said, the fear is still there. But, I am doing this. There is no backing out. Hopefully I will look back on this and laugh. And hey, I gave birth with an epidural that ran out, this should be cake, right? (God I hope so).
I got great advice from some friends saying take this opportunity to enjoy my time with the hubby and try not to worry the whole time. I am going to try really hard. We need this. We need some time, just us. We need to be young and enjoy our selves for a couple of days. I am going to try my best!
Tomorrow is going to be hard. I know I'm going to cry. I know I will miss my baby more and more each day, but I also know the hugs and kisses I get when I get back are going to be amazing! Please keep our family in your thoughts as we start yet another journey.
I am trying to look at the positive side and remember that this surgery is the only way for us to add to our family one day. I am so lucky to have found Dr. Haney and that he is the best at what he does. I am blessed to have an option and that by doing this I will not be risking my child's life if I choose to get pregnant in the future. All that said, the fear is still there. But, I am doing this. There is no backing out. Hopefully I will look back on this and laugh. And hey, I gave birth with an epidural that ran out, this should be cake, right? (God I hope so).
I got great advice from some friends saying take this opportunity to enjoy my time with the hubby and try not to worry the whole time. I am going to try really hard. We need this. We need some time, just us. We need to be young and enjoy our selves for a couple of days. I am going to try my best!
Tomorrow is going to be hard. I know I'm going to cry. I know I will miss my baby more and more each day, but I also know the hugs and kisses I get when I get back are going to be amazing! Please keep our family in your thoughts as we start yet another journey.
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