Learning to be patient (emphasis on learning)

Patience is not one of my virtues. I really can't remember a time in my life when I was patient for anything! The last three years have tested me and I am in the process of learning to be more patient, although it is literally driving me crazy! After three years of ups and downs, mainly focused on fertility, pregnancy, surgery I find myself yet again trying to find that balance of impatience and faith.

After my surgery last summer I wasn't quite ready to have another child. I wanted Tanner to be a little more self sufficient in case my next pregnancy would result in bed rest. I just couldn't imagine what life would be like for my little boy if his mommy couldn't pick him up or take him to the park like we do almost everyday. October rolled around and Morgan and I decided that we were both ready to start trying for our second baby. I am terrified after the pregnancy I had last time, but am hopeful now that I have a bionic cervix thanks to Dr. Haney!

We decided to try for a few months and just have fun with it. That lasted all of about one cycle. When it didn't happen the first time I found myself obsessing over babies! We are now on month four and I am pretty sure this isn't the month either. Four months and I am freaking out! All of the what if's start filling my mind. Seeing announcements are hard. I am genuinely happy for others who are experiencing pregnancy and a new life growing inside them. I just want it to happen here too!

The last three years have been such a roller coaster. Having to wait for things is hard. I remember when Tanner was in the NICU. Those two weeks seemed like the longest wait of my life! Finding out the awful news of having an abnormal pap just weeks before my surgery was awful and the week waiting for results about drove me mad (which came out fine). Waiting for insurance approval for surgery and then waiting for the actual surgery date were so hard as well. But, even after feeling like the wait was never ending everything worked out so beautifully! My son is healthy and perfect, and the absolute light of my life. My surgery showed me to what lengths I will go to protect my children present and future and even better, I go to meet the most compassionate doctor in the world! So just like everything in the past worked out, I am sure that I will be announcing my own pregnancy soon. I try to remind myself that I will appreciate my blessings even more because I had to work so hard for them. I saw this on pinterest and it pretty much sums up what I need to focus on right now

So starting today the above is my new motto. God knows what is best and I will give it all up to him.