God is Good

The last year has been filled with ups and downs, emotional and physical struggles.  Last June we had our hope for another child renewed after we had a very successful TAC (transabdominal cerlage) surgery in Chicago. We were so excited to put my new bionic cervix to the test, but unfortunately getting pregnant was not the easiest thing in the world for me. To be honest it was really hard. Month after month of disappointment was really starting to wear on me and I found myself not so much depressed, but just defeated. The first few months were fine, but when it wasn't happening I pulled out all the stops! I swear I almost went broke on ovulation tests, pregnancy tests, and eating a fertility friendly diet! I became obsessive. I temped and charted every morning, googled every symptom possible and was doing everything right, still with no reward.

After 8 months I made an appointment with my doctor. We discussed what was going on and he was pretty sure that I was not ovulating (kind of a big deal when you want a baby).  He decided to put me on Clomid (a fertility drug that tricks your body into ovulating).  I was excited for an answer as to why I wasn't getting pregnant, but I really had deep reservations about taking the drug. Women on Clomid have a 10-15% chance of conceiving multiples.  Since Tanner was a twin, my chances of multiples jumped to 25%.  Not a huge chance, but one that really scared me. I had such a hard time with Tanner's pregnancy, and even though my problem was fixed, I still had a hard time believing my body wouldn't fail me again. I was so nervous about it that I let the prescription sit on my counter for a month. I went in to see my doctor to have my progesterone levels checked which indicates if you ovulate or not. When my doctor called with the results I freaked out. Apparently my levels were that of a post menopausal woman! That phone call finally  gave me the push to decide that maybe I would take it. I decided to email my doctor from Chicago to get his opinion as he was a reproductive endocrinologist for 26 years.  He asked me to call him, so I did. He talked with me on the phone for over an hour and really eased my fears. After talking with him I decided that as soon as my cycle started I would give Clomid a shot.  The problem was, my cycle wasn't coming. I though great another problem. Finally on day 48 I called the doctor who prescribed me a drug to force my cycle to start. I picked up the prescription and decided to wait two more days. On day 50 I decided to take a test just to humor myself and just be certain I wasn't pregnant before taking the drug. To my absolute surprise there were two lines!!! I freaked out! First thing I could think of was calling my mom and the tears were pouring. Once I calmed down I called the doctor who told me to come in right away to take betas (not sure he believed that I was actually pregnant since he said I didn't ovulate). When my husband got home I surprised him and all he could say was "but you didn't ovulate".   I went in for blood and the next day it was confirmed based off my numbers that I was definitely pregnant! The numbers doubled over the next few days and an early ultrasound confirmed there was a baby in there!

Since I am high risk, I go in pretty often to have ultrasounds, which is nice to see baby and the progress, but not so nice on the wallet. At 6 weeks we had a scare, but since then everything has been great. Morning all day sickness is no fun, but it's weirdly reassuring. I am on progesterone to help sustain the pregnancy until 16 weeks at which time I will switch over to progesterone injections (my ass is already sore thinking about it).  And from then on out I will have bi weekly ultrasounds just to make sure my body is holding up. It's scary, but leaning on my faith and my online support group of friends who are also going through their first TAC pregnancy has helped tremendously.

I was and think I still am in a state of shock! I love my doctor, but it was so nice proving him wrong and getting pregnant without meds. All I can say is that God truly had a hand in all of this. Not that I needed proof, but this just reinforced that there is a higher power at work. It was in His time and I am just so thankful he chose to bless us with another child. I have prayed, cried, begged for this child and I will never take a second for granted.

Please just continue to pray for a long, full term, and healthy pregnancy for us. We are scared, but truly believe in the power of prayer.

Our Miracle at 12 weeks!