Just An Ordinary Friday Night

So tonight was pure comedy in the Dean household!  Tanner had mac n' cheese, well actually the floor got most of it which the doggies loved! After dinner we decided to catch up on our favortie show Modern Family and spend some good old time in front of the television.  As I was nagging politely asking my husband to stop leaving his beer cans on the floor because I am sick of stains that can't be blamed on the dogs or Tanner, my sweet little, daddy's wingman ever so cleverly picks up daddy's almost full beer and launches it at me! And you know what was even nicer of him, he waited until after I had already showered, sweet kid, NOT! As daddy is in hysterics, I notice that Tanner reeks of poo (his third one of the day by the way) so undress him as daddy is filling the tub. As we are walking to the bathroom I feel a very warm sensation running down my stomach, much warmer than the huge beer spill I have on my leg! Yup, Tanner decided to add insult to injury and pee on his already beer smelling mommy! Daddy thought that was so hysterical that he almost fell in the tub (had I been closer I would've kicked his butt in there)!  So that's the start to our weekend, hope everyone's is as laughter filled and "fun" as ours!

our new lovely stain thanks to good old Coors Light

Thanks Tanner, I was a little cold anyway!

Too Soon To Tell? Um No!!!!

Well as mentioned in my last entry, I recently (like last week) began working full time. I am subbing for a friend at the school where I used to teach.  This was my opportunity to do a dry run and see if I am ready to go back to teaching full time next year. Well after 5 days of tears, heartache, and missing my baby boy so much that I'm pretty sure I have an ulcer, I have made my decision. While I love teaching, I HATE leaving my son! Little things throughout the day remind me of him and I am constantly on the verge of tears. Poor Coach  just asked how my day was going and crazy lady here began balling and telling him a long drawn out explanation of why I was so sad. I could literally see in his eyes that he thought I was totally nuts! That said, I will not be returning to teach next year or in the foreseeable future. I am going to finish these last 5 weeks and do my best and enjoy every minute that I am teaching my kiddos (did I mention they are a great class and all REALLY cute) and then am going to return to my days of snuggling, running, and mommy grouping, with the cutest boy in the world.  I'm not going to lie, the next several weeks are going to be tough, but with light at the end of the tunnel and really caring for my student's and their well being, I will get through it!

Not returning to work will be hard on our family financially, but I know God will provide. We may not have the newest gadgets or vehicles, may not get to vacation or eat out as much as we'd like, but honestly I would eat canned beans for the rest of my life and drive my car until it won't move another inch just to be with my son. Sacrifices are tough, but the reward of raising my child and spending those sweet moments that seem to pass so quickly is totally worth a few years of sacrifice. Being home for the last 14 months has meant the world to me and returning to work has actually made me appreciate and long for those moments even more.  I am just so blessed to have such a great support system in family, friends, and especially my husband.  He knows how important it is to me to be with Tanner and he works so hard so that I can be with him.  He sees the emotional toll being away from Tanner has had on me (and on the little man) and supports my decision to stay home. He is a wonderful man and I am so lucky to have such a hardworking man who provides so much for his family!

I don't know what the future holds and I may return to teaching someday.  In a perfect world I would find a job share situation so that I could have the best of both worlds.  I am actually going to start looking for a part time anything (if you know of any please send my way :) )  just so I can help out a little financially, but be home the majority of the time. I give working mamas all of my credit and accolades, y'all are amazing and I wish it was in the cards for me too, but for now Tanner and future babies (hopefully in the not too distant future) are it for me!

My reason for living! 

Balloon Fiesta 2011

Growing up I never really appreciated living in the good old Land of Enchantment. I used to think it was boring and there was never anything to do. Every year our states hosts the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta. Seeing it year after year  and dealing with horrendous traffic made it less desirable as I grew up. That was until I had a child of my own. Seeing the world through his eyes is like seeing everything for the first time. After an emotional couple of days (sadly I went back to work and am not enjoying leaving my kiddo, more on that later) my hubby and I woke up bright (well actually it was still VERY dark out) and early and headed out to the Fiesta! Tanner was a little concerned that he was up at 4 am and mama wasn't offering the boob, but once he had some baby cheetos he was ready to party! We got to the fiesta just as Dawn Patrol was getting ready for liftoff. My hubby was helping out on a crew so Tanner and I sat back and watched the magic!

Soon the sun began to rise and so did the balloons. The first balloon to go up was the "World" Balloon which had flags from various countries from around the world. This was the balloon Morgan was helping out with. It was beautiful and so fitting since Tanner is a little obsessed with the American Flag.

Since we didn't have a chance to eat before we left, we decided to eat some grub and finish watching the balloons. We got breakfast burritos and the thing I have been craving and not allowing myself to have for weeks. . . a funnel cake! And boy was it good!

breakfast of champions!

Balloons were taking off all over the place and filled the sky with so much for a certain one year old to look at! He was on "babooon" aka balloon overload! Seeing how excited he was made me feel like a kid again and truly appreciate this event. Seeing the smile on my husband's face as he was holding Tanner was priceless and something I will never forget. Some people may never see it in person and I am lucky enough to have seen it every year of my life. Having a child really makes you appreciate each and every thing about everyday! Thank you Tanner for opening mama's eyes to the world again!

this is my favorite balloon and Tanner even "mooed" when he saw it!

Look Dad!

Happy Family!

True Happiness!

Love his face!

And this is what waking up at 4 am and the excitement of Balloon Fiesta does to a one year old!

 

 

Today was an amazing day and one that I will never forget! I love my family so much and every moment with them means so much to me. That said, I think I have made my decision about what to do job wise next year. As most of you know I took a long term sub position at my old school to do a "test run" to see if I am ready to dive back into teaching. Well after two days (which some will say is not enough time to make a valid decision, but really I don't think I'll change my mind in the next 5 weeks) I know the answer, but will make you wait until my next blog to build suspense (well actually I'm just really tired, but suspense sounds better)!

Thanks Morgan, Tanner, and the neighborhood crew for a great day!

Loss

So as I was going through my friend list on facebook today, I noticed that my supposed "best" friend who was like a sister to me deleted my butt! Not much of a surprise since we haven't talked in over a year. I shouldn't be hurt because I have also chosen not to have this person, whom I no longer know (literally, name change and all) in my life, but surprisingly it stung a little. This person was in my wedding and I was a huge part of her sons life. After many instances of friendship not being reciprocated I chose to "end it". No call for baby shower, no show at hospital when my son was born, no visit in the 12 days he was in the NICU, no nothing for a year, so why do I still care? I guess deep down I was hoping that things would change and that the old friend I had growing up would eventually come back. Guess not.Well one  thing I know is that my family and friends who matter have stuck by and will continue to stick by my side through thick and thin. I know I probably don't thank these people enough, but I would like them to know how special they are to me! On that note I also have to send a thank you shout out to some wonderful ladies. Last Thursday night Stephanie, Sarah, and Brittany made my upcoming birthday one to remember with a trip to the St. James Tea Room. We dined on yummy food and delicious desserts. They made me feel so special and having those three in my life is such a blessing!

Teething... Enough Said

The past 24 hours in the Dean household have been challenging! Tanner, like usual, is having a really hard time with the two new pearly whites waiting to make an appearance. Fussy days and sleepless nights are not fun. I always try to think about how lucky I am to have such a healthy, (usually) happy, adorable baby, but yesterday I found myself really frustrated and exhausted. To make matters worse Morgan was fishing with my dad and father in law as I was having my mommy meltdown. After four hours of trying to get Tanner down for the night and becoming a human pacifier, the boy was finally asleep. As I looked over at him laying next to me so peaceful, I again realized how lucky I am. Every mom has the right to have a bad day now and then, but seeing my baby cuddled up to me made the hours of screaming and being on my hip worth it. I felt so guilty for feeling frustrated with him and even shed a few tears. I love my boy more than life and am in awe of him every day. God gave me the most amazing gift, a little boy who is perfect in my eyes (teething and all).  Here's to a better day and hopefully a more restful night (this may require a famous "Doug" margarita at the in-laws tonight, don't judge me)!

Vampire baby no more, top front teeth finally came in! Now on to the others, Yay (NOT)!

Days Numbered

My days of being a stay at home mommy are numbered. First off let me say that being home with Tanner has been the most amazing time of my life! I thank my husband so much for working so hard and providing for our family so that I could fulfill my dream of being home with Tanner. I would not trade this past year with Tanner for anything. Thankfully, my transition into working mom will be temporary. I am going back to my wonderful school to take over for a friend as she becomes a mommy to baby number two! I will be  back full time for six weeks and I have varying emotions on it! On one hand I am so happy to be doing what I love (even though 1st graders scare the crap out of me), working with a great staff, knowing my baby will be in great hands, feeling like the "old me", and being able to help Morgan out with some of the finances. On the other hand I am feeling completely overwhelmed by the fact that I will be leaving my little boy. The 12 days that we were separated while he was in the NICU were the hardest days of my life and although I know this is totally different, I don't ever want to feel that sadness again. I think my separation anxiety is worse than my sons! I KNOW he will be okay, hell he's with Grammie and and Grandpa, but my heart breaks thinking of all the things I will miss out on! I know, I know six weeks will fly and once I settle into a routine, I know I will love being back!

So, I'm taking this opportunity as a test run to show myself that it is possible to cut the cord and regain a little bit of me! My biggest fear of diving back into teaching is getting pregnant again and feeling like I won't be able to give my next baby the same opportunity that Tanner has had, or having to leave my job again! Leaving was one of the hardest things I had ever done (probably easier than leaving Tanner though). I am by no means trying for a sibling for Tanner, but have a feeling it will happen if I were to go back full time (just my luck)! I guess I need to just put the future into God's hands and know that whatever happens, job, baby, etc. is all a part of his will and I will cross that bridge when I get there! For now I am looking forward to teaching again and also dreading leaving my boy, but know that this will be good for both of us and our family!
                                         Here's some momma and Tanner time daddy captured!

Jemez, New Mexico Aug. 2011

enjoying the nice cool air in the mountains!

Our Little Helper

My son, the kid with a million toys, refuses to play with any of them! Tanner is very in to "real" things that he sees me and his daddy using. Lately, Tanner has been very into cleaning! Yay for me, not so much for the dogs. He has discovered wiping down his tray after he eats, everyone else's face, but his own, and washing Otis's (one of our many dogs) face while Tanner is taking a bath. He is also loves using cleaning tools! The feather duster is the best invention EVER! He like the vacuum until we had a slight mommy running over his finger accident, and I repeat ACCIDENT! (You will be happy to know he got me back for this unfortunate event just keep reading. . .)

This thing is awesome! No more dust!

This bumbo is filthy! Sheesh, mom never cleans!

He loves dusting his toys, but still prefers the dogs! He army crawls on my floors and sweeps for me (such a good boy) and this past week he has discovered the fascinating world of laundry! He "helps" me put clothes in the dryer (more so he pulls them out as soon as I put them in), he loves demolishing folding clothes!

missing the basket

Serious laundry man!

I am not immune to the helping child. He actually loves working with his daddy and it is some of the more tender moments that melt my heart. Before Tan's party we had some home improvement to get done. A few walls needed touch ups and our bathroom door never closed right. As I was  walking down the hall I got a glimpse of Tan and his daddy discussing how to fix the door and snapped one of my favorite pics    

hmmmm. . . . this is hard work I think we need a cold one!

Last night I decided to bake (big no, no when your alone with a crazy one year old in the house). As I was mixing my muffins I turn around to see every skillet I own, spoons, and pans all over the kitchen and Tanner is so cleverly mixing imaginary food for the dogs in Walker's bowl! Cute, but not when he decides to smash your foot with a skillet!

Asking Daisy what she would like for dinner (this was taken before toe smashing incident of 2011)

  Long story short, my muffins sucked (forgot the baking soda, as I was more concerned with my throbbing toe so forgot one key ingredient) so the puppies get muffins for every meal for the next week!

Cleaning is hard work! 

So, I think I am training this boy pretty good, he likes cooking, cleaning, and fixing things. Let's just hope he is this willing to help when he is sixteen!